When Screws messed with the screws. And his father's head.
April 01, 2012
Now, for any of this to make sense, you have to understand a little about Clay, and his particular brand of mental illness. It's funny to me, because he is by nature a very happy and easy-going guy, but he does have certain THINGS in his head that need to be Just So. Not a boy in our family has escaped the experience of wandering up the stairs, outfitted for church (shirt TUCKED IN, belt ON, shoes TIED, thankyouverymuch), and being informed genially by their dad, "Whoa, bud. Your gig line's off."
That is, the line made by the buttons on their shirt, through their belt buckle, is not lined up Just So. It's not an angry correction, see, it's just...so obvious to Clay. That is Not Just So. Why would anyone want to be Not Just So?
Another Just So requirement for Clay is the screws in the light switch and outlet covers. They should all be lined up vertically, although a horizontal arrangement is acceptable, as long as it's absolutely uniform. If we're in a brand new building, and the screws haven't been lined up Just So, Clay can hardly conceal his contempt for the builder. I personally have only ever installed one light switch plate, and I tightened the screw too much and cracked the plastic, so I don't feel entitled to judge. Clay, on the other hand, is entirely qualified to judge, because that is Not Just So. Just ask him.
It's this particular pocket of mental illness that Tre decided to poke for April Fool's Day. This afternoon, while Clay and I were napping, Tre went around the house and fiddled with every single screw on every singl light switch plate in the house. They were wildly askew, not that any normal human would ever ever notice.
And actually, Clay didn't notice either. So Tre started sighing that pranks were no fun if no one noticed, and then we all (having been clued in by Tre) started dropping hints to Clay about what he'd done. Like, we knew he was IN THE DARK, but it would soon be ILLUMINATED. I think tormenting him was half the fun for everyone.
Of course, he noticed eventually, and had to concede it was clever, although perhaps not the surpassing act of genius that Tre was claiming it to be. He's been calling Tre "Screws" ever since, which Tre loves.
And I think they're both so wonderful that I can hardly stand it. And P.S. our family is weird.
Heh. My DH installed extra electrical sockets here and cut the holes in the drywall to EXACTLY the right dimensions, including the cutouts for the screws. He's spent about 1.5 hours carving the worst one. Once the plate's on, no-one will ever see the hole again.
Posted by: Reb | April 02, 2012 at 03:46 AM
I am here to support Clay - Anyone who ISN'T bothered by this is the one with the problem! Its just those details that would drive me insane. No I don't need to get a life, what do you mean?
Posted by: Alison C | April 02, 2012 at 04:43 AM
Tre wins!
Posted by: Mir | April 02, 2012 at 06:52 AM
Was Clay in the military? A gig line is from military dress code requirements (AF 39-10 for those in the air force). The edge of the placket has to line up with the edge of the belt buckle which has to line up with the edge of the pants fly such that they all form a straight line when viewed from the front. A gig is another term for demerit. Demerits are earned during basic training for items out of regulation (bed linen not straight, sheet exactly 6 inches of fold-back, shoes lined up under the bed in descending order of height, laundry bag hanging just so, etc.). The shirt/belt buckle/pants not being in line is easy to see and, for some reason, easy for 18 year-old military recruits to get wrong, hence: gig line.
It makes me nuts when I see men (males, although I give kids some slack) wearing buttoned shirts tucked in and their shirt/belt/pants aren't lined up correctly. (or if their shoes and belt don't match color, for that matter.) It looks sloppy if they aren't in line. I guess I have some of that same mental illness.
Posted by: bob | April 02, 2012 at 10:07 AM
Yup, you called it. Seven years in the Army. Funny how those things stay with a person
Posted by: Kira | April 02, 2012 at 02:17 PM
I'm willing to give Clay the "Just So" okay because he has been JUST SO amazing to y'all. I am so glad you have found each other.
Posted by: Amy | April 02, 2012 at 03:16 PM
I'm sorry Kira. but outlet covers with the screws that are not all lined up vertically is just wrong! I think of Clay every time I put one on! Some things in life need to be just SO!!!
Posted by: Jilly Jill | April 02, 2012 at 10:51 PM
Love all your weirdness and you weirdies!
Posted by: gma | April 04, 2012 at 01:49 PM