The power of the robo-call
Because cute pictures are the upside of living with a toddler

The air still smells like burnt something

Today I was online, filling out an application to go back to college. I never finished my degree, did I ever tell you that? Yeah. I have something insane like 147 credit hours, yet no degree. That takes careful planning. I would be happy to sell you my ebook - "How to Enrich Your Local University and Never Ever Ever Obtain a Degree" for the bargain price of $12.99. If one million of you buy a copy, it will completely recoup the cost of my meandering and useless education. Nearly.

Oh, okay, here's the total sum of what would be in my imaginary ebook:

Step one - when you are within spitting distance of your degree, when it is two easy semesters away, decide on a total whim to move to another state. When your parents protest and froth at the mouth, wave away their concerns because WHAT COULD THEY KNOW ANYHOW? They only have - what? - four degrees between them. THEY COULDN'T POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND.

Step two - after you've moved, spent a year establishing residency, come to terms with the many many many lost credit hours from your transfer, and retaken classes that thrill you to your core, like ENGLISH 101, LORD HAVE MERCY, decide to change your degree.

Step three - then, change your minor. Pick one you hate and will never never finish. Hate it. Resist taking classes that will actually help you finish it. Because you hate it. 

Step four - take classes like yoga. Because you can. And it has nothing to do with your hated minor.

Step five - take twelve years off, because your second child was just born and you can't imagine being busier than you are right now. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA *wheeze* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! 

There you go! That's exactly how to get nowhere, fast. Actually, nowhere, slowly.

Where was I?

Right, so I was filling out an application to go back to college. And in the middle of it, I tried to make myself a cup of tea. I say "tried" because what I actually did was get out a clean mug, drop a tea bag in it, and then turn on the burner BEHIND the one I meant to turn on. So instead of heating the kettle full of water, I turned a blazing heat on underneath a cast iron pan with the buttery residue from Clay's breakfast mushrooms.

Do you know what blazing heat does to buttery mushroom residue? It produces an AMAZING amount of smoke. While I was preoccupied with my application, the pan was producing great billowing clouds of smoke. I noticed just in time to race around and open all the windows so the whole neighborhood could hear our smoke alarms shrieking.

The boys stared through the clouds of smoke as I frantically waved a towel at the nearest smoke alarm and muttered darkly about husbands who are so obsessed with safety and fire codes that they positively STUD the house with smoke alarms AND wire them all together so they can all go off in piercing unison. Sophia knit her tiny brows and seemed to be considering a coup, so someone with sense could be in charge of the house at last.

When it was more or less over, the alarms were mercifully silent, and the air was back to mostly translucent, I looked over at the computer, quietly humming away, with my application glowing at me. I can't decide if my inability to safely produce a cup of tea means that application is a very bad idea...or even more important than I thought.


Amma Always

Well, harking back to my comment from a few posts back, you did keep the everyone alive, and didn't lose the baby. And on top of it all, you did send in an application for college. Win/win in my book. Some days are just... smoky.


HA! I had the same basic college plan, adding in a few more, "Then get an acting job and leave toen miod-semester and attend no classes and do nto bother to drop them so you get a fat roaster of F's on your transcriptfor goood measure."

The cure? An office job. A YEAR OF 8 hour days of FILING and FILING and lunch and tghen more FILING will make anyone rethink education choices.


Step 6) Change majors so often that eventually the Dean calls you in and says, "I don't care what you pick, but we're picking something today" and get so insulted that you leave the School of Speech and get a whole new set of requirements in the School of Arts and Sciences.

Yeah, I was on the 7 year plan. God love my parents.


Sophia knit her tiny brows and seemed to be considering a coup, so someone with sense could be in charge of the house at last.

If you made a book out of the stuff Sophia thinks to herself, it would sell a zillion copies. Then you could hire someone to make you a cup of tea while you did your work for class.


Yeah that you are going back to school! Good for you!! I studied music straight out of high school, dropped out after two years. Fast forward four years after dropping out...BA in Spanish in two years. I CLEPed a lot of classes so that I would not have to retake them and took classes in the summer. Fast forward sixteen years, and I am taking prerequisites for nursing school that begins in January :-) Hurray for continuing education! My brain cells are not dying! They have too much work to do!!


You've still got a ways to go. It took me just over 200 hours and 7.5 full time years (including 2 semesters of summer school!) to get a degree and a minor. If I had gone one more year, I could've converted that into 3 mostly unrelated degrees.

Actually, you'd probably have a better plan now.


Wait. Breakfast mushrooms?


Sounds like my college plan too! Except I moved halfway across the country to get married at the ripe old age of 21. And I'm happy to report that after taking a small break of of almost 15 years, I managed to get my degree :)

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