Jennie these days
September 23, 2010
When I started this whole series about the kids (I guess that would be the "Kids These Days" series), I wondered what I would have to say about Jennie. Clay and I have talked and talked and talked about her so much lately, turning things over in our minds, trying to understand.
We went to her graduation in May, and everything seemed wonderful. She was so beautiful. She glowed with youth and nervous excitement about her future. She was planning to come to college at a town only two hours away, and we were thrilled she was going to be so close. She looked like someone just cresting the top of the first climb of the roller coaster, frozen in that moment right before the wild ride begins, all anticipation and hope.
And then we came home and Jennie dropped off the face of the earth.
She didn't answer calls, she didn't return messages, and when Clay did manage to talk to her, she informed him that she'd changed her mind and would be attending the community college in her hometown. She seemed just so very...gone from us. I kept remembering her first summer visit with us after Clay and I married. I felt the same way I had when she went home...wait, I thought there would be more time. Wait, what happened? Wait.
And then, a few weeks ago, Clay got an email that clarified a few things.
Jennie is having a baby.
Sometime around the time that 2010 melts into 2011, Jennie is having a baby. On her own. If you think Clay and I obsessed over her before, you should hear our conversations now. There doesn't seem to be anything else in the world, some days. Or some nights, as we lie next to each other in the dark and repeat what we already know.
"I'm not disappointed in her," Clay says, "I'm just sorry that her road got so much harder."
"I know."
"She's strong, you know. She can still have the life she wants...it's just going to be different."
"I know."
"I wish she would come live down here."
"I know."
But what we're still trying to understand is the biggest truth here. And that's not the fact that Jennie is pregnant, and is not the details about where she is going to live or go to school. It's not even about the changing face of hope for her future.
The biggest truth is that Jennie is having a baby.
And it's a little boy.
I can understand your shock and concern. We had an unexpected grandson born to our young daughter 18 years ago. Both he and the beautiful woman he helped our daughter become are major blessings to our whole family. Hang in there.
Posted by: Pam | September 23, 2010 at 11:12 PM
Oh Kira. Sweetie. I'm sorry. I know what a maelstrom of emotions that email must have created.
I got a phone call like that two years ago. At the time my daughter was a junior in college. Like you and Clay, we weren't disappointed in her, but I grieved over how hard her life would be. I wasn't sure she could even finish her undergrad degree, let continue on as she had planned. We had concerns about the maturity of her boyfriend, and weren't sure what kind of parents they would be.
Fast forward two years, and my toddler granddaughter is the joy of my life. My daughter is parenting her with such grace and love. Her boyfriend is gentle and loving with his little girl. It's still not an ideal situation - my daughter is working full time while her boyfriend goes to school, and they live a paycheck away from poverty - but they're a happy family. My daughter did finish school as planned, and is applying to medical schools. They've decided to squeeze in another baby before medical school, so there will be a new little one in the spring.
I would not wish away my granddaughter for anything in the world. But we all want our child's path to be smooth. We want them to live up to their potential. It's tough to see their lives irrevocably change because of a momentary lapse in judgement. As Pam said, hang in there. (And sorry for writing a book here!)
Posted by: Lise | September 24, 2010 at 12:23 AM
Love to all of you, sweetheart.
Jennie is very lucky to have you in her corner.
Posted by: Mir | September 24, 2010 at 04:17 AM
That last line says everything that needs to be said about how great a person you are to have on her side!
Posted by: Amy | September 24, 2010 at 06:43 AM
You know - I'm 32 and having our first baby in Jan. My situation is VERY different (traditional 'easy' route) and I'm continually surprised that I'm HAVING A BABY. So I can only imagine what she's going through.
God bless you and Clay for being as understanding and supportive as you can be!
Posted by: Emily | September 24, 2010 at 06:57 AM
I read always, but almost never comment. Just wanted to let you know I'll be thinking of Jennie, Clay and yourself over the next few weeks. Sometimes, what makes your life harder also makes it sweet.
(And does this mean we can call you Granny now?)
Posted by: liz | September 24, 2010 at 07:50 AM
I'm sort of speechless, but so glad that Jenny has you and Clay to support her.
Posted by: Aimee | September 24, 2010 at 08:37 AM
I am a little stunned on your behalf--and I also got a RUSH of joy, because A BABY. A BABY BOY. I wish, too, that she and the baby could come live with you.
Posted by: Swistle | September 24, 2010 at 08:55 AM
Congratulations, Grandma! Everything else is just working out the details.
Posted by: Salome Ellen | September 24, 2010 at 09:05 AM
I am so relieved to hear she is okay...and the path she is heading down is one that you can support her on. A baby! Wow.
Posted by: laura | September 24, 2010 at 10:22 AM
Jennie a lucky and very blessed woman to have such a supportive family. Her path may be different than the one you'd be envisioning for her, and even different than the one she envisioned for herself, but I have every confidence she'll make it great.
Posted by: Michelle | September 24, 2010 at 11:48 AM
Congratulations all around. I'm so happy that Jennie has such supportive parents, and that the reason she pulled away from you has worked itself out.
Posted by: liz | September 24, 2010 at 02:02 PM
This baby will be loved. He, and his mother, are blessed to have you.
Posted by: Tracy | September 24, 2010 at 02:15 PM
We all make mistakes. And this could have gone so many worse ways. Babies are such a blessing, and I'm glad that she is back in contact with you and no longer has to imagine what you will say but knows that you still love her and that has not changed.
I wish her and your family every happiness.
Melody Waltz
Posted by: Melody | September 24, 2010 at 04:54 PM
Kira, I was right where you are about 14 years ago. My step daughter got pregnant at 18. I had 2 kids and was pregnant with my third when she delivered.
It was TOUGH. But it all worked out - and I know it will for you as well, because you and Clay are AMAZING parents of AMAZING children.
Much love to you.
Posted by: Carmen | September 26, 2010 at 10:14 AM