8 month performance review from Sophia
December 14, 2009
Through the magic of the internet, I am pleased to present the following evaluation from Sophia. I would explain how that works, but it's complicated. Enjoy.
I would like to say that the efforts of my support staff here has been adequate, but I'm afraid there is simply too much room for improvement. Let's jump right in, shall we?
I seem to be hampered in getting my demands met by a lack of mouth-sounds that the big people understand. So far I have mastered the sound "mmmmm," which means, "please put that in my mouth." The big people always misunderstand that and eat their own food without sharing. Jerks. And I can also make the sound "mama," which makes the woman squeal and hug me and get very pleased with herself. I do not understand the woman. These sounds, although stellar, do not seem to be enough to cause my minions to obey. It is SO HARD to train decent minions these days.
First of all, I must insist that you STOP IT with the car seat. You people run around, gathering up things, shove shoes on my feet, and scoop me up and head for the door. Everything seems promising, but then you shove me in that THING and strap me down like a common criminal. I have done my best to make my feelings known on this by screaming until paint peels off the walls, but you persist. I shall be forced to use the wide blue eyes and giant tears, complete with quivering chin, if you don't stop. You have been warned.
Also, I have decided that I do not care AT ALL for this "NO" word. I have discerned what you mean by this diabolical "NO" and it's not nice at all. I'm pretty sure you mean "NO, I will not let you flip yourself over the side of the changing table, because we know that it is THE MOST FUN EVER and we want to save it for ourselves. That is why we're always trying to make you sleep, so we can flip ourselves over the side of your changing table and laugh and laugh and laugh and eat mmmm things. Then we stand up in your high chair and fling ourselves head-first at the floor. It is AWESOME."
And while we're discussing your selfishness, what is the point of you having all those toes if I'm not allowed to bite even one? You have SEVERAL. I have already chewed all my own. Could you just TRY to be reasonable?
But of course, not everything is disappointing. I appreciate the efforts you do make. The man seems to know his place, especially on those rare occasions when I succumb to the evil of sleep.
The boys are completely awesome. They know how to play.
They will lie down and allow me to pummel them and even laugh as hard as I do. These are minions that truly understand their role in the world.
And then there's the "where's Sophia?" game. That is THE BEST.
Where IS Sophia?
THERE SHE IS! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Brilliant!
All in all, I'm willing to give you people another chance. Give it your best effort, and we'll revisit these issues soon.
Now go wash my socks.
You have a beautiful baby girl :)
Posted by: Heather | December 14, 2009 at 11:40 PM
Sorry, can't talk, I am too busy looking up plane tickets to Colorado....
Posted by: Mir | December 15, 2009 at 05:28 AM
Oh!! You make me want another one! Merry Christmas to you and your beautiful family.
Posted by: Melody | December 15, 2009 at 06:04 AM
Absolutely spot-on! My 10-month-old daughter would completely agree... Loved this. :-)
Posted by: Damsel | December 15, 2009 at 06:04 AM
ah, my ovaries hurt looking at her beautiful face!
Posted by: Jen | December 15, 2009 at 06:23 AM
Your overlord is awfully demanding. But at least she's a cute boss.
Posted by: Emily | December 15, 2009 at 07:11 AM
Wow, Sophia is a harsh mistress! I think you guys had better step it up ;)
Posted by: Aimee | December 15, 2009 at 09:16 AM
cutest baby EVAH!
Posted by: Laura | December 16, 2009 at 07:02 AM
i don't get it. Sophia looks different in every pictures. im almost convinced you go and get a new baby for every picture. is there a store where can borrow cute babies for a day??
Posted by: Jennie | December 16, 2009 at 02:11 PM
So, do you spend a lot of time, like, falling over with the preciousness?
Posted by: Heathere | December 16, 2009 at 03:30 PM
She's Adorable!! Love the perspective -
Posted by: Pamela L | December 16, 2009 at 04:55 PM
Brilliant! :) At that age, my youngest (who is now 3) would pull of her left sock. ONLY her left sock. Every. single. time. I put it back on. What is it with the socks?
Posted by: Katie @ Can't Get There From Here | December 17, 2009 at 02:43 PM
Tragically, Julian is (at two-and-a-half) still completely enthralled with the Where's Julian? game. It completley short-circuits his brain.
Posted by: The One True Josh | December 18, 2009 at 04:21 PM
New to your blog, and just had to comment. Oh, my - she is the cutest little thing ever!
Posted by: JustLinda | December 29, 2009 at 11:25 AM