And yes, I know I'm overreacting.
July 05, 2009
Some time in the last year I had a GREAT IDEA. This summer, we would send Tre to CAMP! To a music camp in a whole other state! Isn't that a GREAT IDEA?
Well, it seemed like a great idea, a few months ago. I got him registered, and Clay figured out the budgeting to make it work, and Mom and I planned the trip to drop him off and Clay and I planned the trip to go pick him up, and I started telling Tre stories about how the camp works and what he'll be doing...
It seemed like a great idea.
He leaves Saturday, and it doesn't seem so great anymore.
I keep telling him the truth - I say that I'm excited for him to have this experience, and that he's going to have a great time and make so many friends. I tell him that he should stay home with his mommy, and I will make him cookies every day and he can play video games as much as he wants and we'll go out to lunch all the time and he can watch tv absolutely whenever. I say that so he will know two things; I love him and will miss him so much, and that he really doesn't want to stay here where it's safe and sort of dull.
What I'm not telling him is that there's a panic growing in my chest, like a small wild animal, like a fistful of raw grief. I know he'll be fine, I know this is a good thing for him to do. I don't know if I can survive it. I feel like I'm in a dream, and my feet won't move fast enough to reach him, and my hands can't quite grasp him and my voice doesn't carry to him, no matter how hard I scream. His childhood is escaping, and soon he will be gone. Where will I go then? Is there a detox center to help me live my life without him?
See the baby here?
He may not have knuckle dimples anymore, but he's still my baby.
Oh...I soooo know this. This will be our 3rd year of sending Boy13 off to camp, (courtesy gramma/grampa). I was a worried frantic mess who then sobbed like a baby in the bathroom stall of the camp cafeteria after hugging him "hello" on the day we picked him up = so relieved he was safe, whole, and back in my arms. Much later, MONTHS later, he confessed that he'd cried one night, homesick, but that EVERYBODY did on their first camp trip and no one teased him and at this point he is planning ahead 3 years so he can be a counselor in training. He makes me so proud... and yours will make you proud too! It's like childbirth all over again as you 'birth' a teen... and at year 3, I'll still worry and fret and be anxious until he's home again! Don't forget that he belongs first to God...
Posted by: Dionne | July 05, 2009 at 11:50 PM
I mostly lurk here, but occasionally I come out to make a comment. We entered tweendom this year and my oldest daughter went to middle school week at camp. Mind you, it's a camp that her father is the Dean of for the week she was there. I had EXACTLY the same response. I hate this growing up and becoming a woman thing. I HAAAAATE it, and I am pretty sure this pain and angst over it weren't in the parenting manuals.
Posted by: Dana | July 06, 2009 at 06:38 AM
*patpatpat* I'm sorry, hon. He is an awfully nice boy; I can see where you'd like to keep him home, and little, forever. *hug*
Posted by: Mir | July 06, 2009 at 07:45 AM
I think Sophia will miss him too....
Posted by: Christine | July 06, 2009 at 08:20 AM
My daughter wanted to do an away camp this year, for a whole week, UGH!! I found one that is a mini-camp, Friday through Sunday. Love that. Although I'm still going to be weepy!!
Posted by: Linda Miller | July 06, 2009 at 08:43 AM
This is yr 2 of Bug going away to camp for a week. The house is way to quiet without her here, but at 8 she LOVES going and talks of camp the whole year. Munch at 14 will be traveling once again in the Big Rig with my Dad for a few weeks...He has been all over North America and gets to see places that we could never afford to take him...but I shed a little tear when he leaves, because in a few years I know that one day he will pack up and start his own journey...
Funny, I started this to say that it doesn't bother me when the kids go away for a bit in the summer..but now I feel the need to go and find a tissue...Must be the sun in my eyes :)
Posted by: Kim | July 07, 2009 at 11:01 AM
they are growing too fast, aren't they? My eldest is going to a speech and debate camp, almost 10 hours from home. He is going to camp with another parent, and I will pick him up at the end of the week, and I can't believe I'm sending him. And he's almost 16, and I've gotten this far without having to send him far away, but all too soon... never mind. he's still my baby.
Posted by: Tracy | July 07, 2009 at 12:55 PM
I'm sure he'll love it - and miss you too. Just think about the wonderful reunion you'll get to have soon!
Posted by: Michelle | July 07, 2009 at 07:24 PM
How precious is that picture? I hope you frame it for both of them (and yourself). Enjoy your sweet babies -- all 4 of them. And by now you will have survived the week at camp. :)
Posted by: Terri | July 27, 2009 at 09:58 PM