I don't deserve her, but then, who does?
June 08, 2009
Last night I sat on the couch, Sophia draped across my lap. Her head was at my knees, and her fat legs were folded against my belly. She gazed into my eyes like I was saying something very clever and insightful, while I treated my fingertips to the feel of her tummy skin. She cooed at me and I cooed back and she smiled that sort of smile that babies are subject to - the kind that extends to her entire body and causes her to squirm and churn her legs and pull her shoulders up like she's suddenly shy. And then, as my fingers traced circles on the satin of her skin, she laughed.
It was just a tiny laugh, a hesitant, throaty chuckle, but oh, how it stopped my heart. I called Clay over, and I tickled her under her chin, and together we melted at the sound of her shiny-new, zero-mileage laugh.
So this morning, when she woke up all sunny smiles and squirming glee, I had to try for the giggle again. Soon all three boys were perched on the bed behind me, peering over my shoulder, belly laughing with glee at their sister's tiny chortle.
It was a gorgeous way to celebrate the day, nine weeks since Sophia's birth.
I, on the other hand, decided to celebrate it by hauling her off to the pediatrician's office, where I allowed them to jab her dimpled thighs not once, not twice, not THREE TIMES, but FOUR FREAKING POKES with their wicked needles. She kicked both legs out, rigid with rage, and howled, tears rolling down bright red cheeks. I could feel heat wash over her body as she cried and cried and cried.
I felt like the worst mother ever.
I know, I know, I'm not a bad mother for providing the standard of medical care. I know. (Although my chiropractor would be VERY DISAPPOINTED in my choice to immunize - and I'm sure some of you may be too.) No, I'm okay with that. The reason I feel like a terrible mother is that even as she bucked and wailed, even as I blinked back my own tears, even as the nurse pressed Snoopy band-aids onto my baby's thighs, this thought occurred to me:
We sleep well tonight.
oh, a video of that laugh, please! baby laughs are priceless things. she sounds beautiful.
and eh, i'll try to cancel out one from the naysayer tally with one aye - good for you on vaccinating. in the long run, she will benefit by not catching diseases that no one should risk their life for in this day and age.
Posted by: karishma | June 09, 2009 at 06:34 AM
pish tosh, vaccinate the hell out of her, world without polio, amen!
I puffy pink heart you, by thye way :)
Posted by: Joshilyn | June 09, 2009 at 07:08 AM
Yay baby giggles!!
Good for you on vaccinating, I'll second that (third that, etc...).
As far as knowing you'll sleep well... I would actually think the same thing when my little Bug would fight going to sleep with a 20 minute fit. I'd think "get through this and you'll both sleep until dawn..."
=) Hugs to you!
Posted by: Christine | June 09, 2009 at 07:47 AM
THANK YOU for vaccinating! It's hard to believe that this is even an issue now--although I want to be respectful of other people's parenting choices, if a large enough minority of children aren't vaccinated, it becomes a danger to the community as a whole by transmitting dangerous diseases...
Posted by: Marie | June 09, 2009 at 08:32 AM
Vaccinating works! Good mom!
Posted by: Holly | June 09, 2009 at 11:56 AM
no flames from me about the vaccinating - we all make choices that we feel are best. I also vaccinate my kids fully - I just wish that it didn't hurt so darn much.
I know the power of a little post-vaccine Tylenol as a sleep-aid. It's a well used method around here. Anything (short of a frying pan to the head) that helps baby sleep is ok by me! Hoping her little legs don't hurt too much and that she sleeps until past sun-up for you. You do deserve her - she conmpletes your family in a wonderful way and is lucky to have been born into such a terrific and loving family.
Posted by: Michelle | June 09, 2009 at 01:18 PM
Not to butt in, but I'd like to add my sentiments to a thankfully overwhelmingly positive crowd--yes, thank you for vaccinating.
Posted by: Dustin | September 07, 2009 at 12:34 AM