kiwords

...but tonight, at dinner, I sat and stared, missing half the conversation, trying to figure out how long it had been since I'd blogged. I mean, I knew I'd blogged the day Sophia was born, and she was now 10 days old, but was that last blog on day one? Or was the next day day one? And so was this now nine days since I'd blogged, or was it ten days? Or eleven? Probably not eleven.

So, see, that's why I haven't blogged. Because my mind, she is a slow morass of uninteresting details. I keep having this conversation with people, where they ask, "How is the baby sleeping?" and I launch into a full accounting of her sleep habits. "Oh, last night she slept from 10:30 until about 2:30 or so, which was fabulous, you know," I'll say, "but then she was up for about an hour and a half, then she slept for about two hours..."

I keep missing the subtle cues that my Story of Sleep isn't actually bearable to listen to, like people setting themselves on fire to make me stop talking.

Besides that, I usually blog when the boys go to bed, and that time is Sophia's awake time, so I'm currently busy sitting on the couch with Clay, watching her...um...exist and saying brilliant things like, "I know she's not SMILING, smiling yet, but doesn't it look like she WANTS to?" We're pitiful.

So anyhow, what I wanted to tell you is that this baby girl of ours, she is the most verbal child I've ever birthed. She sighs and coos and squeaks and yells - even nursing requires much muttering and humming. And all that "talking" obviously requires interpreting, right? And as her mother, and the one attached to her mouth ALL THE TIME, I am obviously the person most qualified to do the interpreting, am I right or am I left?

And therefore I present to you the following conversation between me and my 10 day old infant, which I promise you is word-for-word what was said last night, around 3 AM.

Sophia: WAAAAAAH! STARVING BABY! HELP HELP!

Me: (scooping up one angry lump of baby) Hey there, sweetie. Hungry?

Sophia: OH, MOM, it was SO AWFUL! I woke up in that PLACE? You know the one? Where no one is holding the baby? And there isn't any milk? IT WAS THE WORST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED IN MY WHOLE LIFE!

Me: (offers breast)

Sophia: SO HUNGRY! (butts breast with her face)

Me: You have to open your mouth.

Sophia: WILL NO ONE THINK OF THE BABY?

Me: (tickles her lip)

Sophia: SO HUNGR - oh. Snarf. nom nom nom nom nom nom. MAN, that is the stuff! nom nom nom nom nom nom. SO GOOD. nom nom nom nom. I almost DIED, you know. nom nom nom nom.

Me: zzzzzzzzzzz

Sophia: (head lolls back, mouth slack and dribbling milk) Duuuuuude.

Me: (lifts her to my shoulder to burp)

Sophia: BURP. Wha-? Wait! I WAS EATING! WHERE DID THE MILK GO? WAAAAAAAHHH! STARVING BABY!

Me: (shifts her to the other breast)

Sophia: DOESN'T ANYONE CARE ABOUT STARVING BABIES? CALL BILL O'REILY! CALL ANGELINA JOLIE!

Me: (tickles her lip)

Sophia: WAAAAAH - oh. nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom

Is it any wonder we're smitten?