Ready or not
March 19, 2009
The boys were doing their school work, and I sat on the floor of the girls' room, looking around me in bewilderment. This baby, this little girl who is lodged between my hip bones and my ribs, with seemingly no intention of ever leaving, already has too much stuff. She'll be sharing a smallish room with her big sister, and I was completely at a loss about where to put everything.
People have been so generous, welcoming our daughter-to-be with such gifts. Dresses and socks and shoes and blankets. So much pink and so much love. I'm humbled, much as I was by the outpouring of love when Clay and I married.
As I sat and sorted through piles of clothes, snipping off tags and building a mound of pink, yellow, green, and more pink to be washed, the boys wandered in and out, trailing books and papers to be checked. Soon I found myself surrounded by piles of clothes, discarded tags, teacher's manuals, and two forgotten workbooks (handwriting and spelling - Raphael and Max, respectively).
Tre came in and stopped in his tracks to survey all the stuff.
"This baby's spoiled already," he declared.
"Eh," I said, "babies don't want much, other than to be held and fed and have their diapers changed when necessary. To see the faces of the people they love. She doesn't care about any of this stuff." I looked around, at the blankets and socks and bouncy seat. "But yeah, you're right. Look at all this stuff."
He looked at me, then looked again.
"Are you okay, Mom?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just...so much to do still."
He looked around, then grabbed a box.
"Let me help. I'll put this together."
He pulled a diaper pail out of the box, tossed the instructions aside, and set to assembling it. I watched him scowl at the pieces, inspect their shapes in that sober, manly way guys have when they're putting something together, and fit it all in place.
I can't help but compare the home Tre came to as a newborn to the home that's ready for this baby. I was such a child myself then. Money was so tight, and the future was so foggy. Not only was there no new diaper pail, there was very little security waiting for him. He came home in a second hand car seat, to a second hand crib, a stack of second hand clothes, and two very young parents without a clue. By his side I learned some of my hardest lessons as a mother. If I could go back and stock his nursery, I'd fill it with with all the toys and clothes and gear that he didn't have. But even more, I'd stand next to his terrified, immature mother, and hold her hand.
Tre unfurled the liner and fit it into the diaper pail. He closed the lid, then stepped on the pedal to open it and peered inside to be sure it was all in place.
"There," he said, presenting it to me, "all done. See? There's not too much to do. Just let the rest of us help you."
I nodded, mute. He asked if there was anything else he could do and I reminded him he still had Algebra to do, so he scooped up his book and loped back out of the room.
I watched him go, fingering the meltingly soft cotton dress in my hand.
Maybe he didn't get everything his little sister is getting. But somehow, I think he got enough.
Hey pretty lady.
Isn't it your birthday??
:)
Posted by: Heather Cook | March 19, 2009 at 10:39 PM
Best wishes for the next few weeks!
I have been visiting your blog for a few years, and my heart warms reading you write about your family. Your boys are incredibly lucky, and I know your daughter will be loved and cherished - and you'll feel like you don't know how you survived without her!
Posted by: Ciara | March 19, 2009 at 11:07 PM
Is it your birthday??? If so, happy day! Actually, even if it isn't... happy day! What a beautiful thing to read. But no fairsies making me cry at work. ;)
Posted by: Aimee | March 20, 2009 at 08:34 AM
Hey no fair - you made me cry! Sniff. What a beautiful vignette. You are so blessed with your bounty of wonderful children! Great job rearing such a sweet boy! Good luck with everything in the coming weeks - I'll be praying for you! Thanks for writing - I always enjoy your blog!
Posted by: Julie in Austin (mom to 4 sons) | March 20, 2009 at 10:56 AM
He is wonderful. And what he missed in stuff you made up for in the deep love you had and lived and expressed for him. And now, I guess he is giving some of that love back.
Happy Birthday, you Astounding Gift of God to Me and The Whole World. But especially to me.
Posted by: Amma Always | March 20, 2009 at 12:51 PM
Happy Birthday Kira!
Tell Tre that his baby sister will value the love and attention of her big brothers more than ANY material gifts. All the love he received will be passed on and so the circle of love will continue to grow. And baby girl, COME ON OUT!
Posted by: Priscilla | March 20, 2009 at 01:48 PM
Happy Birthday!!
You were right when you said a baby doesn't need stuff, just loads of love and it is obvious that your sons have had plenty!
Your daughter is so lucky to have 3 brothers and a sister who are going to love her so much.
Posted by: Alison C | March 20, 2009 at 02:42 PM
Wow, what a guy! Sounds like his terrified, immature mother did a fantastic job! What a lucky little baby...and mom!
Thanks for such a great post!
Posted by: Karate Mom | March 20, 2009 at 03:22 PM
Beautiful post. Thanks for writing - even on your birthday! Happy one. I guess your best present will be seeing this little girl soon.
Posted by: kerri | March 20, 2009 at 05:08 PM
Happy Birthday Kira!!!
What a wonderful story. You have done such a fantastic job with all your kids! Sophia Ann Martin will be so blessed to be a part of this amazing family!!!! All my prayers & best wishes are with all of you always!
Posted by: mirdy | March 20, 2009 at 10:25 PM
Dear Tre: I've been looking to adopt. Interested?
Posted by: Kristy | March 21, 2009 at 01:19 AM
A day late, but not short on sentiment. Happy Birthday!
Posted by: Mit | March 21, 2009 at 12:08 PM
What a lucky granddaughter I will have--you are a marvelous person, Kira, and I'm so thankful you're part of our family. Sophia not only has you and Clay but Tre, Max, Raphael and Jennie to love her as well as all the rest of the families.
Posted by: Grandma Connie | March 22, 2009 at 02:55 PM
Aw, you made me tear up (or rather, your son did) and I'm not even pregnant!
Posted by: Sandy | March 23, 2009 at 02:06 PM
Oh, my goodness!! You have a great mother-in-law, too? Oh, Sister, you are truly blessed!
(I had the best mother-in-law, but sadly, she passed away too young)
Posted by: Sandy | March 23, 2009 at 02:07 PM