I hate food
August 25, 2008
Can I just tell you how much I hate food? I'm not sure I can do it justice, because the passion with which I hate food is mirrored by the passion with which I love food. When I'm not knocked up. However, right now, food is a trial. And a burden. And a Very Bad Thing. A burdensome trial of A Very Bad Thing. To be exact.
One morning a few weeks ago I woke up, feeling that familiar empty rumble in my stomach that meant it was time to enjoy breakfast. For just a moment I was happy, enjoying the feeling of hunger, because it means the meal you're about to have is going to be JUST SO GOOD. But a split second behind that happiness came a wave of nausea, and my heart sank. Oh, that's right. Hungry doesn't mean yay, time to eat! - it means I have to negotiate all the ways food is wrong right now and eat something before I throw up. And food is wrong in so many ways.
For instance, right now - RIGHT NOW - my beloved Max is sitting behind me, enjoying a peanut butter and banana sandwich. This doesn't sound so bad, right? Ha! I say, with a heavy dose of bitterness. HA! See, Max likes his bread toasted for his pb&b's, and the scent of toasted bread is solidly most disgusting thing in the world. The air around me is thick with this vile odor. It is like a cloud - a cloud of evil and wrongness. Every morning I have to live through this, because my family callously insists on having TOAST with their breakfast. They are mean. No, I have not mentioned my aversion to the smell of toast. Why?
Tonight Clay (who is a prince, despite his love of toast) made dinner because I was feeling so awful. When he was done, he called us all cheerfully to the table and I dragged myself there. My stomach rolled, but I knew that eating usually makes me feel better so I should sit down and eat some...tacos. Gah.
I sat there, hunched over my plate, eating my food like a woman condemned. Every so often I would gulp some water and Clay would pat my leg and ask if I was okay. For a while I thought I would be. Okay, that is. But then...
It's a good thing we eat in the kitchen, just steps from the sink. As I stood there, retching and spitting, Raphael (after asking in a panicked tone to be excused) leaped up and ran downstairs, where he waited, calling up to me, "I hope you feel better, Mom! I hope you're better now!" Tre just stared at the table and muttered, "Going to my happy place. Going awaaaay to my happy place." Clay and Max kept eating. As a matter of fact, as soon as I could assure everyone that I was indeed fine, Clay asked me if he could finish my taco.
Have at it, I said.
I hate food.
Oh the relentless nausea! Morning Sickness has to be the greatest medical misnomer ever.
I had a friend who made her husband put the toaster on the back porch. It was either that or she'd be the one on the back porch tossing her cookies.
Posted by: Crisanne | August 26, 2008 at 06:25 AM
I've been a bit baby-hungry lately, but you've cured that with the reminder of the miserable nausea. All four of my pregnancies were so different. With one I ate Egg McMuffins for three solid months, another time I stuck with "white" food -- mashed potatoes, white bread. And then I discovered that fruit smoothies come up easier than most other choices, so smoothies galore.
I hope it improves. I empathize. I really do.
Posted by: Mel | August 26, 2008 at 08:43 AM
Speaking as someone that vomited from conception to 12 hours after delivery, those little parasites sure make it hard some times to enjoy the wonder of creating a new life.
Hopefully this to shall pass. ;-)
Posted by: Nevermind | August 26, 2008 at 08:45 AM
I had 10 full months of nausea every time. I just kept saying "eye on the prize, eye on the prize". My thoughts are with you...
Posted by: Jen | August 26, 2008 at 09:09 AM
I am also pregnant (11 weeks!) and I can soooo relate to toast. How weird is it that I have never in my life noticed that toast smells....to me it reaks of grainy alcohol. I am just getting to the point where I can actually cook again -my poor husband has had to cook for himself the past several months as I lived on fruit and cereal and the occasional pasta. I hope that you start to feel better!!
Posted by: Jess | August 26, 2008 at 09:39 AM
Ugh! I hateed that part of pregnancy. I don't know if it will help you, but it helped me to eat something before I got out of bed in the morning. I kept saltines by the bed and woudl force myself to eat a couple before my feet even hit the floor, and that seemed to help stave off the nausea. It also seemed to help if I ate often during the day so that I never got hungry. The hunger and nausea seemed to come together.
Hopefully it will taper off as you got further in to the pregnancy. : )
Posted by: Jill W. | August 26, 2008 at 09:47 AM
Bless your heart - I hope it lets up soon. I never had a problem with toast -it was practically the only thing I ate for 4 months.
Posted by: Anna Marie | August 26, 2008 at 10:27 AM
Oh, gosh, does that bring back memories. Weirdly enough, for me wearing lipstick or walking too fast did it to me. Of course, so did everything else - for awhile with my first pregnancy the only thing I could eat was half a baked potato. Less and I got sick from being hungry, more and I got sick from being too full.
I had a doctor recommend pickles and it actually worked. Cold crunchy apples also made me feel better and so did sniffing things that smelled good. Which wasn't much...
Good luck! I hope you have a short while to cope with this.
Posted by: Jennifer | August 26, 2008 at 08:34 PM
Im going on eight weeks myself, and i as well Hate food. Just the thought of it drives me sick. With my first son my pregnancy was perfect. Now with this one im concerned my baby isnt going to be healthy cause i cant eat anything. Im on here looking to see if its normal, which it sounds like it is.
I wake up n the morning hungry n 5 seconds later after realizing im hungry I get sick at just the thought of food, ewww! I make myself eat something (which i do not enjoy whatsoever cause im nauseated the whole time) n then i start feeling a lil better casue i made myself eat. I really hate the thought of food though, just talking about it makes me want to throw up.
Posted by: rachel | November 09, 2010 at 11:12 AM