kiwords

Once upon a time, many years and one divorce ago, I agreed with Dr. Laura. Specifically, I agreed that a mother, if she became single through divorce or death, should suck it up and stay single for the sake of her kids. That it was unjustifiably selfish to complicate your kids’ lives for the sake of your own enjoyment.

And then I found myself divorced.

And when the dust settled from that, I remembered what I’d believed, and I grimly set down that road. Alone was fine by me; I’d ground my previous heart into dust in the effort to keep my marriage together. Not going through that hell again.

And then I met Clay.

It’s a long story, how I finally came around to believe in him. Complicated. And yet, in retrospect, the whole thing seems inevitable from the very first time I shook his hand. There would be no turning back.

The most amazing part of falling in love with Clay was realizing that this was not a gift given only for me – he was a gift to my sons as well.

So, with shaking hands and almost too much hope to bear, I married him and complicated all our lives more than I could have imagined.

I had come to believe it would have been unjustifiably selfish not to do so.

This Mother’s Day, I’m thinking about mothers who take that terrifying leap into second marriages. I’m thinking about women brave enough to complicate their children’s lives with more love.

Yes, yes, it’s true that a second marriage can be a horrible train wreck for the kids from the first marriage.

But it can also be a thing of beauty.