Persistently different
Restoration

An engagement

Once, when I was about seven, my big brother Josh stood in the door of my bedroom, flipping my light on and off.

“Now, wouldn’t you think that it would take LESS energy to do this than to have the light just be on? You know, because of the time when the light is OFF?”

I had honestly never given it a moment’s thought, being far more interested in such questions as I wonder if you can wish on a shooting star for more wishes or was that a unicorn I heard? However, I was always delighted to have Josh give me the time of day, so I nodded. Sure. Less energy.

“BUT IT DOESN’T,” he continued, “and do you know WHY?”

I shook my head, secure in the knowledge that HE knew why.

“Because it takes MORE energy to make the light come on than it does to just keep it burning.”

He flipped the light a few more times.

“See?”

It had never occurred to me to think about such a thing. But that’s what Josh was there for.
”Oh,” I said. “Wow.”

Josh knew everything, I was sure of that. He read everything, and could spout the most amazing facts. I was always too active, too emotional, too interested in things that didn’t really matter to him. He UNDERSTOOD things. I always wanted to be more like him, but it was useless. Just the act of wishing to be someone else disqualified me from ever being like him at all.

When we were in high school, I was…what? Does the word “popular” ever stop meaning something incredibly stupid? I was social and busy and usually knew what to say. In our tiny little high school, where the worst insult was, “You think you know EVERYTHING,” no one knew what to think of Josh. Friends would come to the house and see him, holed up in his room with his books, or down by the river, playing the trumpet so the sound echoed back to him from the mesa wall, and they would say,

“Your brother is…weird.”

They had no idea. They didn’t even have the language to understand what they meant by weird.

I didn’t understand him either, but I knew he was ever so much more than weird.

Occasionally he dated a friend of mine. It never worked out well, and when it ended and my friend was backing away, saying, “I just don’t get him,” I wanted to claw her eyes out. Fool. How could you possibly appreciate Josh?

And no one could.

Until now.

Josh called this evening to say he’s engaged. He’s been with Terri for, what, three years now? I was sure he was going to be a BONEHEAD and LOSE HER, because GEEZ. But NO! Last week (get that? LAST WEEK, and he calls me today? Yeah. NOT BITTER, don’t worry) he actually asked her to marry him, and she said yes. Maybe he’ll tell the story in the comments! It’s a perfect engagement story for him, because it begins, “So, Terri was on the couch, reading X-Men…”

I couldn’t be more delighted (as though it were about me, right?). I like Terri a lot, but even better, I like the two of them for each other. They are kind, and they enjoy each other so much. Terri has a sense of calm that will carry her far with Josh (the trick is to NOT REACT to him much of the time. It only encourages him, you know). I’ve never seen him so at ease with another person. It’s the first time I’ve watched him interact with someone and realized, hey, she knows him - better than I do. She actually GETS him.

I know they won’t be having the sort of wedding that I’ll get to attend, so this is my chance to wish them well, whenever it happens.

Congratulations, you two. May you find in your marriage what you are looking for, and ever so much more.

Oh, and one more thing…

Um, is it ok if I blog the engagement?

Comments

Nic

How sweet Kira! Congrats to Josh, it's fantastic to hear. It's so satisfiying to know that your special, sometimes misunderstood loved one had found the one who is right for him. I am concerned that this engagement has rendered him unable to pick up a phone in a timely fashion but let's hope that's temporary... : )

M/amma D

Truth be told, I am very impressed with the speed with which he let us know about his and Terri's engagement! Months went by, possibly a year, after he met Terri and before we knew anything was going on.

They are just right for this adventure. Never easy, always better!

Because I love to share about my favorite people: When Josh was a junior in high school, he was obviously in a different universe from anyone or anything in his school, and there was a strong possibility that his Trig. teacher was going to kill him. Josh had learned all this teacher was trying to teach, and with admirable respect and restraint was going about his own interests in the back of the class. But teacher having NOT learned all Josh could have taught him, would do things like slam Joshua's briefcase lid (behind which Josh was reading) down on Josh's hands!

So his father and I sat with Josh one afternoon for some time, trying to talk him into dropping out of high school, getting his GED and doing whatever was next for him. I think we may have even offered him a car if he would drop out of school, so fearful were we that this small, ummm... less than challenging high school would damage him. (In this high school, no one was allowed to check books out of the library!)

Josh had two goals in mind - I'm not sure but I think one was to go to state with the speech team, and I don't recall the other. But he refused to drop out. But he leaned back in his chair at one point, laughed and said "Isn't this conversation backwards? I think I am supposed to want to quit school and you are supposed to be trying to talk me into staying in school and graduating." His father and I were always a little backwards!

But he did finish, has gone his own way, and we all love him fiercely. And apparently Terri does too.

Heather

How wonderful!!! My brother got divorced and forgot to call me at ALL.

Sheryl

That's so great, although I'm mystifyied what kind of wedding you wouldn't be able to attend...unless they elope

Jessica

Congratulations to Josh! He sounds very, very much like my younger brother: different, intelligent, inscrutible. Oh, and he's TERRIBLE about calling, even with important news. For years, my parents and I have despaired of him finding anyone who "gets him." He dated some in high school, but in our small, small town, most people really had no idea what to even think of him. As far as we could tell, when he hit college he just gave up. But now, it seems, he has found a girl who really does understand him. I like her, the family likes her, and I know they're crazy about each other. Now here's hoping that he doesn't do anything boneheaded and lose her!

Sarah

My own brother isn't so much inscrutable as he is opinionated and abstruse. I'm not sure if he'll ever find a woman who can deal with him, or even if he wants to. But I've seen so many seemingly hopeless people get married (happily!) by now that I should have more faith. Come on, Mrs. Right! (And congratulation to your brother!)

Kira

OH OH OH, THAT'S TRUE, you know! What Mom says about the library at our high school. I used to walk through the library and casually STEAL BOOKS because it was the only way to GET MY HANDS ON THEM. I took them back when I was done, but somehow I ended up with a copy of "The Great Gatsby" after I graduated. I felt guilty about that for a while.
I don't think I do anymore...

shannon

What a fun brother you have! :) I was always the odd one in school. And if there was someone for me... LOL

Well, Josh, you going to tell us the story here in the comments or what?

RichieD

Does this mean I might get to meet him? Finally? I can't believe that wasn't at the top of your list at your wedding. I mean, come on...

Jensgalore

Congrats to your brother! That's always wonderful to hear, when someone has a happy thing like that.

But! Wow. You mean, I wasn't the only person who "unofficially borrowed" books from the school library? Not that ours was much to speak of. They had more Harlequin romances than science fiction or literature. We were allowed to check books out, but not in the amounts that I read. Not only that, they had a rather severe fine system if you had a late book, and I never had the money to pay my fines. Not to mention, the librarian hated kids and I was terrified of her. So, since the library was between the two halves of the school and I frequently had to walk through it between 3rd and 4th periods, I would oh, so casually saunter through the stacks, replacing one book and borrowing another.

Seriously, they had (thinking and mentally counting) around 200 or 300 Harlequins. That's not counting the Barbara Cartland paperbacks. I doubt if there was even one copy of the Great Gatsby, though. Very, very sad.

There you go - the deep dark secret of my teen years!

Dick Butkis

Where are you in all of this oh One True Josh? It's like all these people are celebrating without you!! Are you out there? Do you have anything to say for yourself? So. . .what did you think of the new X-Men flick? Jim saw it and didn't like it as much as the first 2.

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