Hating "her"
Don't try to understand - just enjoy

Marathon Morning

So I’ve been in training, you should know. Yes, I (along with my very clever friend, Amy) have been ACTIVELY training to…uh…walk a half marathon.

When I told my brother what I was doing, his response can best be described as under whelmed.

“Isn’t that sort of like doubling up on reduced expectations, to WALK a HALF marathon?” he asked. “What’s next, you watch a quarter of a marathon?”

Whatever, Josh.

However, I DO understand that this is not a Nike commercial sort of undertaking. It’s not a huge deal. Nonetheless.

I realized with a start this morning that I had to send off my registration for the race TODAY. I found the registration form, still in the printer, under pages and pages of some coloring page/award certificate some child had caused the printer to spit out. Now, my printer likes to swig a hefty shot of ink (which seems, for its price, to be a derivative of gold) before it prints a single letter, so you can imagine how pricy this sort of print-a-thon can be. I interviewed all the boys and eventually narrowed it down to Raphael. I showed him the pages and informed him that he would NOT be printing out these things any more, lest he lose his computer privileges. He looked at me with narrowed eyes, then declared,

“Ok, Missus.”

This caused another lecture, the gist this one being Don’t call me that, I don’t know why, I just don’t like it.

That settled, I took my entry form in search of a pen. After throwing away two that no longer work and one that had been dismantled by Max and never put back together quite right, I gave up and used a pencil. Think of it as rugged, Boulder Backroads people. And as it turned out, I needed a water resistant writing implement, because just then Tre came up to me and grinned, showing me the gross fake teeth he had in his mouth. I reacted with the required disgust and he laughed and pulled them out. This released a glob of spit that hit my entry form. Yeah. Insert genuine disgust.

I mopped off the paper and managed to finish filling it out. It was time to go to the grocery store – excuse me, aside here. You know I love my kids, right? I mean, I’m all crunchy and homeschooly. I’m the kind of person who can say with irritating sincerity, “Oh, I couldn’t IMAGINE sending my kids to school all day. We ENJOY our days so much!” And it’s true. I like them lots and lots.


When it’s time to go grocery shopping, I have vivid duct-tape-and-closet fantasies. Can I GET an amen, fellow mothers?


Since it was time to leave, I ordered the boys in the van, and went to grab an envelope from the cupboard. All my envelopes had been, inexplicably, licked and sealed and stuffed back in their box.

Ok, then.

I broke up a battle to the death between Raphael and Max over who got to take the green light saber to the store (“Light sabers aren’t allowed in King Soopers, get in the van before I eat you both. Yes, you can take a juice box.”), ran downstairs to steal an envelope from my parents, and climbed in the van.

I finished addressing the envelope in the van, and fished a stamp out of the ashtray. It was ready to go, and I looked at it with no small measure of pride.

It may not be a BIG thing, walking a half marathon, but when you take into account the obstacle course I’m have to get through just to get there, it’s not a SMALL thing either.



Lol, It sounds like the walk is going to be the easy part. I hope you have some time to rest up after all that. Let us know when it is and we'll cyber-cheer you on.


I've always thought marathons were too long anyway. I hope you start a trend...

Amma D

Um....can't you register electronically? I know it is the kingdom of Boulder, but it seems unlikely that they have a law against electronic communication, even if it is against the law to wear polyester, to eat twinkies unless they are whole grain twinkies, and you can only pray to the earth goddess and all SUV's must bear bumperstickers condemning gas guzzling SUV's in Denver ('cuz you know, they need their 4x4's up there in the mountains). But I think they still allow computer comunication.

I thought "missus" was Raphael's version of a joke? The basis of this particular joke escapes me, but it seems that he thinks it unbearably clever. See, just mention Boulder and you lose your sense of humor!


Shhhh, AmmaD, don't tell her about the electronic registration part. It is, perhaps, an option, but this is far too funny, and shows her dedication. A fleece, really.

Plus, given her luck, the dial up would die that day, she'd spend hours on customer support, all to find out that Raphi had dropped a nickel into the CPU.

Plus, it makes a great read, sort of in the "If you give a mouse a cookie" kind of way! Love you Kira! Doubling of reduced expectations. Yes, and we will rise to that level!


It is a big thing. Almost as big as filling out and mailing off the application or shaving your legs while pregnant.


"All my envelopes had been, inexplicably, licked and sealed and stuffed back in their box."

For some reason, this sent me into nearly uncontrollable laughter.


You're entitled to a medal just for finding a stamp!

Good luck. If you walk half as well as you write, you're going to cross the finish line a champion.


A nephew of mine ran (and won) the local marathon where he lives. It was farther than he'd ever run (at one time), and the last 4 miles were apparently really rough -- he half walked, half jogged the last few miles, took a dip in an irrigation ditch, and STILL won. His comment afterwards? "Don't ever run a marathon, it's a crazy, stupid thing to do." He never plans to run another, lol. So I think walking a half marathon is entirely reasonable.


Good for you! Sounds like you are up to the challenge!!


Okay, so I'm number 10 to comment and am I the only one who thinks that walking 13 or so miles is a big deal? I'll be cheering you and Amy on from the sidelines way over here in CA.


Grocery shopping/duct tape/closet - YES! Those things go together so well. Today's shopping trip .....



I hate grocery shopping with kids with a passion that will never die. Yuck, yuck, double yuck.

And all the envelopes in my house are always that way. You mean envelopes are supposed to OPEN?


You can get an "amen" AND a "hallelujah," sister!

I ran (okay, jogged. Okay, shuffled) ONE half-marathon a few years ago, and decided that 13+ miles was all the discomfort I ever needed to experience. Why push it to the "muscles eating themselves" level?

So you just do your thing, girl.

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