It's not pretty from in here, either.
September 15, 2004
So, WHO wants a glimpse into a PMS’d mind? Hmm? Well, YOU DO, right? Of COURSE you do! Fortunately, my mind is JUST SUCH A MIND today, and here, free of charge, is your glimpse.
Driving Grandpa over to see Grandma today, I heard myself say, “I just think it’s amazing that…” One part of my mind detached from whatever asinine thing I was saying and proceeded to berate me with the following soliloquy:
You just think it’s AMAZING, huh? Do you know how OFTEN you begin sentences like that? ALL THE FREAKING TIME. I bet your friends gag when they hear you begin another sentence with your proclamation of amazingness. GET OVER IT. There simply isn’t THAT MUCH in the world that’s actually amazing. You know what’s AMAZING? Over use of hyperbole. Oh yeah. NO WAIT! That’s just IRRITATING.
Another, slightly more rational portion of my mind, broke in with a timid response:
Um…don’t you think you’re being a little HARSH? I mean, *sniff* why ya gotta be a hater?
Response?
Yeah, you’re right. It’s JUST AMAZING, isn’t it?
So now I’ve sworn off the word AMAZING entirely, and I give you permission to slap me if you hear me say it. Particularly if I begin a sentence, “I just think it’s AMAZING…”
Really. Do it. It seems like a good idea.
I took the boys to the library, and when I got home I told Max he could watch the video he’d checked out. He faced me with solemn brown eyes and confessed that he couldn’t find the video or book he’d just checked out. WE HADN’T GONE ANYWHERE ELSE. We’d walked out of the library, to the van, and gone home. WHERE WERE THE ITEMS? I quizzed him, he looked helpless. I searched the van, found nothing but old food and discarded shoes. My blood pressure was rising, so I sent Max to lie down on his bed, with the stern admonition, “It is IMPORTANT to take care of books – especially library books. You need to THINK ABOUT THAT.” He went quietly, and actually fell asleep and took an hour and a half nap. He clearly needed the sleep, which didn’t make me feel ONE BIT BETTER when I found the book and video in the FRONT SEAT, under my purse. Apparently I carried them to the car. No memory of that. Yeah. If it were based on MY merit? Sooooo going to hell.
Later that day I was driving home from errand-hopping, and I passed a local high school. The school zone lights were flashing, so traffic had slowed to the appropriate crawl. I watched the students walking home as I inched through the school zone, and was suddenly touched by all these cars, SLOWING DOWN for the kids. I mean, they may LOOK like hookers and gang members, but they are OUR CHILDREN. They don’t have to like us, WE LOVE THEM and we CHERISH them and we SHOW IT by slowing down in the midst of life’s hustle and bustle. We give them these moments because it’s TRUE, they are our FUTURE.
I wiped away a little tear, thinking, It’s just amazing…
OH DAMNIT.
Now I have to go smack myself.