kiwords

These are ACTUAL things I jotted down in my notebook whilst sitting at a blue plastic table in the McDonald’s Playland, picking fries out of my hair. Don’t ask. Raphi had a…moment. Anyhow, these are what I was wondering about, so if the creepy smiling guy from McDonald’s is reading this, you didn’t have to try to sneak a peek at it on your way to the shoe bins. Really.

Every single time we come to McD’s, Max gets a cheeseburger, catsup only. And every single time, he pries it open, and pulls out the patty. He dangles it between two fingers and asks, “Can I not eat the bun?” And every single time, I say, “Sure. Go ahead.” Every. Single. Time. So what’s with the anxious, hopeful look and questioning? Go ahead, Atkins Boy!

Why don’t the parents of Evil Shrieking Ear Splitting Child drag her out of the play area and slink away in shame? Do they not see the rest of us, clutching our heads, reeling from the pain? I’m pretty sure I’m about to have a seizure, and it’s all because of your darling child and her titanium voice. MAKE IT STOP.

With an entire structure, RIGHT OVER THERE, dedicated to the climbing and sliding antics of children, why does Tre prefer to stand up, each foot on a different swiveling chair, and twist? See the play structure? Go, Son! Play! Get off the chairs before I become one of those mothers who look a little crazed. I don’t want to compete with Evil Shrieking Ear Splitting Child.

Speaking of climbing structures, here’s something that bothers me. There used to be an ASSUMPTION – that you would buy your children their fatty meal, and as soon as they wolfed it down, they would disappear into the bowels of the brightly colored plastic. The running and climbing and getting away from middle school aged bullies kept all that fat from coagulating directly around their hearts. Or at least you could TELL yourself that. NOW McDonald’s has these evil VIDEO games, so that children stuffed to the gills on grease-laden grease balls can stand and stare and drool. I mean, their thumbs are getting quite the workout, but what about their hearts? The coagulating? And NOW? McDonald’s has DVD rentals! Right there! In the actual McDonald’s restaurant! So your children can eat poorly, sit and stare, then go home and sit some more! This brings up an excellent question. Why is McDonald’s trying so hard to kill its customer base?

And that brings me to the final, and most enduring ponderment of the day (I don’t care that it’s not a word. Shut up. It’s my blog). What the heck am I doing, bringing my children here?