August 17, 2004
These are ACTUAL things I jotted down in my notebook whilst sitting at a blue plastic table in the McDonald’s Playland, picking fries out of my hair. Don’t ask. Raphi had a…moment. Anyhow, these are what I was wondering about, so if the creepy smiling guy from McDonald’s is reading this, you didn’t have to try to sneak a peek at it on your way to the shoe bins. Really.
Every single time we come to McD’s, Max gets a cheeseburger, catsup only. And every single time, he pries it open, and pulls out the patty. He dangles it between two fingers and asks, “Can I not eat the bun?” And every single time, I say, “Sure. Go ahead.” Every. Single. Time. So what’s with the anxious, hopeful look and questioning? Go ahead, Atkins Boy!
Why don’t the parents of Evil Shrieking Ear Splitting Child drag her out of the play area and slink away in shame? Do they not see the rest of us, clutching our heads, reeling from the pain? I’m pretty sure I’m about to have a seizure, and it’s all because of your darling child and her titanium voice. MAKE IT STOP.
With an entire structure, RIGHT OVER THERE, dedicated to the climbing and sliding antics of children, why does Tre prefer to stand up, each foot on a different swiveling chair, and twist? See the play structure? Go, Son! Play! Get off the chairs before I become one of those mothers who look a little crazed. I don’t want to compete with Evil Shrieking Ear Splitting Child.
Speaking of climbing structures, here’s something that bothers me. There used to be an ASSUMPTION – that you would buy your children their fatty meal, and as soon as they wolfed it down, they would disappear into the bowels of the brightly colored plastic. The running and climbing and getting away from middle school aged bullies kept all that fat from coagulating directly around their hearts. Or at least you could TELL yourself that. NOW McDonald’s has these evil VIDEO games, so that children stuffed to the gills on grease-laden grease balls can stand and stare and drool. I mean, their thumbs are getting quite the workout, but what about their hearts? The coagulating? And NOW? McDonald’s has DVD rentals! Right there! In the actual McDonald’s restaurant! So your children can eat poorly, sit and stare, then go home and sit some more! This brings up an excellent question. Why is McDonald’s trying so hard to kill its customer base?
And that brings me to the final, and most enduring ponderment of the day (I don’t care that it’s not a word. Shut up. It’s my blog). What the heck am I doing, bringing my children here?
I accept ponderment as a perfectly good word. Unless we are playign scrabble.
HA McDOnald's is evil. What the world needs now is NOT so much with the love sweet love - it needs a SUBWAY with a PLAYGROUND!
Posted by: joshilyn | August 18, 2004 at 04:34 AM
I worship at the altar of your brilliance. Marry me!! (We'll figure out the penis thing later.)
Posted by: Mir | August 18, 2004 at 07:59 AM
Next time why not make some sandwiches and take the kids to the park for lunch?
Or in Max's case just bring meat.
Posted by: Christopher | August 18, 2004 at 08:36 AM
I have long said that there is a huge undiscovered market for a Souper Salad with a playplace. You take them to McD's because it is easy, familiar, seemingly inexpensive (only seemingly, because like you said, that grease has to coagulate somewhere), fast, close to your house...the DVD thing is a brilliant marketing idea, because you have to *return* the next day. All kinds of research showing if they can just bring you in the door...Notice how there isn't an outside return bin? And the number one reason you to to McDonald's: blog fodder!
Posted by: Groovecatmom | August 18, 2004 at 10:18 AM
*snort* Did you know, Macdonald's refers to its frequent customers as "heavy users"?
Posted by: Heather | August 18, 2004 at 10:27 AM
I am thankful that our McDonald's does not have any type of fancy new stuff. It is the plain old playland from ages ago. hehehehe
Posted by: Tiff | August 18, 2004 at 12:39 PM
Be careful, or parents of "evil shrieking ear-splitting child" will demand royalties.
Posted by: Mark | August 18, 2004 at 06:01 PM
Sometimes I feel guilty about taking my Turtle to the McD's... especially with all this "Supersize Me" bruha going on... but dammit.. Mcd's is part of being a kid. Happy Meals and Playland are an integral part to growing up.
At least that's what I say ;)
Posted by: Snidget | August 18, 2004 at 06:12 PM
lol... great writing.
Posted by: Kym | August 18, 2004 at 10:09 PM
Were you like reading my mind or what????!!! I feel the same way but not in the same witty manner! I'm more like...why oh why am I giving them fatty empty crap. My answer...4 minutes of peace when they go and play!
Posted by: Hula Doula | August 19, 2004 at 08:17 AM