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And now, for your driving endlessly around summertime entertainment, I present FUN GAMES TO PLAY IN THE CAR. Exhaustively researched by me and my boys.
First of all you must have at least one hearty round of “Oh NO I FORGOT!” This game goes like this: Everyone mills about distractedly whilst Mama storms around, screaming, “GET IN THE CAR! NOW! WE ARE LATE!” When she takes you by the shoulders and physically points you at the door, amble over to the car, nodding vaguely when she asks you if you have X (whatever item it is that you NEED to accomplish what you are setting out to do). Once everyone is strapped safely in, and you are started on your journey, wait about one and a half blocks before startling in your seat. “OH NO!” you exclaim, “I forgot X!” Mama may look like she’s banging her head against the steering wheel at this point. That’s all part of the fun.
SPEAKING of FUN! Do not miss the classic entertainment of “POKE AT MAMA’S TRAUMATIC FEELING OF FAILURE.” Once you’ve left the house (the second time, after “OHNO I FORGOT!”), start musing quietly to yourself in the back seat. Just loud enough to be heard in the front, sigh, “Did I brush my teeth? Huh. I don’t think I did. Mama SAID to…then I saw that bug…is that a cavity I feel? Hey, Mama? Should teeth hurt?” You may see that funny vein pop out on Mama’s temple. First person to spot the vein WINS!
Then there are the games that don’t directly torture Mama, except by their sheer repetition and mindlessness. For this variety of game, we can’t get enough of “AM I MOVING MY TOUNGE OR NOT?” Max especially enjoys this game. He calls out the query, then demands you look at him. He clamps his lips shut, and drops his jaw a bit, and the IDEA is that you guess if his tongue is moving within the cavern of his mouth. Here’s a hint about this particular game.
YOU CAN NOT GUESS RIGHT.
Ever.
Another fun game is “I know what song is next on the tape!” That’s pretty much all there is to that game. The boys like to announce that they’re sure they know what the next song is, but won’t tell you what it is, in case they are wrong. But it adds that note of repetitiveness to the sing-along tape in the car. God knows what the sing-along tape needs is added repetitiveness.
Finally, a fun time is always had by all during a round of “FREAK OUT BECAUSE MAX’S NOSE IS BLEEDING.” This is a rare treat, because you can’t always count on Max having a bloody nose. BUT WHEN HE DOES! If one child starts shouting commands (“Mama, he’s bleeding! He is! Give me tissues! Where are the tissues? He’s getting it all over his shirt! Oh, it’s so GROSS! Give me tissues! HEY, I THINK I’M GONNA THROW UP!”), while another child starts shrieking in sheer horror, pretty soon the bedlam within the car is unmatched.
Plus there’s blood everywhere, which is always cool.
So there you go. Enjoy your summer travels. No need to thank me. I’ll be hiding under the bed.