Took Tre to his first
I’ve decided I want

Ok, it’s late. Whoo, it’s

Ok, it’s late. Whoo, it’s late. We went to the circus tonight, and much fun was had by all. Raphael was a little freaked out when the lights first went down. He clung to me and whimpered, “S’ok, s’ok!” But that soon passed and he was sitting on my lap, enraptured. He had been excited about seeing the elephant. Maybe even TWO elephants. But as he sat there, at least six elephants came out and paraded past. He was beside himself. “Raphi,” I asked, “how many elephants are there?”
“More,” he breathed.
Of course the quiet attention didn’t last the whole show. By intermission he was climbing over the seats and stealing Max and Tre’s toys, and ready to go…elephant hunting or something.
Tre took in the whole experience in very typical Tre fashion. He sat bolt upright, staring. Cataloguing what was happening in his mind. I hate to think what ideas the whole thing has given him.
Max watched so intently. Once, when the main clown guy came out to do something bumbling again, Max leaned over to me. “Mama? Can I tell you a secret?” He pointed at the clown, “that guy’s the baddest guy in the whole circus.” I think he felt a little sorry for him, messing up all the time.
It was fun, but we got home late, and then I called my brother. Josh’s birthday is today. Um…today, when I’m writing this. October 1. He’s really old. I’m not saying HOW old, but he can run for president now. Josh should have his own blog. He’s really funny, and kind of offensive. I told him if he’d just get his own blog he’d develop a fabulous readership and sometimes make people cry. Not in the awwwww way, but in the I can’t believe he said that, what is wrong with him way. It would be lots of fun.
It occurs to me as I think about my brother, that this occasion would be as good as any to finally explain the name of my blog. See, when I was a kid Josh couldn’t say Kira. He called me Ki. It stuck. I, by the way, called him Sha.
So, because this name was given to me by my brother, my Sha, it transcends the difficulties I have with my many names. Like, I hate my surname because it’s my ex husband’s. Not that that makes it bad, but I used to be so proud to have his name. To have been taken into this family story that was so different from my own. I loved that we together were defining a new chapter in this family, under this shared name.
Well. Now it’s just something I’m stuck with, for the sake of the kids. Every time I write it I quietly hope that some day the boys and I can all change our names together. Not that pleasant.
But Ki. Ki is from before, from when nobody defined me but me. Given to me by my big brother, who was and is the most amazing person I could imagine. So it’s the name of the heart of me, and these are my words. Kiwords. (Like key words? Get it?)
And like I said, I think Josh needs his own blog. I don’t know what he’d call it, but I know it would be Sha-king. (hee, hee)
Love you, Sha. Happy birthday. Don’t run for president, ok?


The comments to this entry are closed.