Two years and one bazillon dollars ago (that's a precisely calculated number. More on that later), I took Max and toddled off to the orthodontist. Or as Max preferred, the orcadontist, the only sea creature known to straighten teeth. We picked an office on the careful and well reasoned basis of "our dentist recommended him, and really, how bad can he be?"
Well, he wasn't bad. The actual doctor in that office is a personable, capable, and helpful young man. The STAFF, on the other hand, seems to have gotten the opinion somewhere that patients are the problem in the office.
I don't suppose it's right to complain about them too heartily, because the things they did that annoyed me weren't all that horrible. There was the reminder calls that were delivered in a tone that implied that they KNEW we weren't planning on showing up. The pot of coffee that sat in the waiting room, but was clearly ONLY FOR STAFF, because they hid all the cups. The way they sat behind the desk and laughed and talked about the patients that had just left. That one was annoying, because hello, rude! But it didn't actually bother me that much, even though I assumed they must be talking about me also. It turns out I don't actually care what they think of me.
They continually offended Max, by assuming the worst of him. When he got spacers put in (which are actually just bits of stuff that they wedge between teeth to make gaps; Max says they feel like having a dictionary stuck in your teeth), one of the assistants told me wearily, "And when they fall out, just bring him in, and we'll replace them."
"Why would they fall out?" I asked. She gave Max a sour look.
"Because he's eating something he shouldn't. They ALL do it."
Well. I'll have you know his spacers did NOT fall out, because Max did NOT in fact eat things he wasn't supposed to. There was one broken bracket early on, but only the one, and after that he was a model patient.
But today was the day. Finally, after all the time and the pain and the money and the icky stuff jammed in his mouth, today Max got his braces off! And LO, it was good.
They took a mold in the office, to make him a retainer, and told us to drop by and pick it up between 3 and 6 this afternoon. Drop by! Pick it up! Doesn't it sound SIMPLE?
Clearly that was office staff code for "we will extract our final portion of pain from you OH YES WE WILL! Cackle cackle cackle!" Because when we showed up it took them a half hour for them to find the retainers, and then they took Max off to the back room and left me waiting for another half hour while I texted irritable texts to Clay and used the calculator on my phone to figure out how much money we'd actually given that office. I may have included pain and suffering damages, but I'm telling you, it came out to exactly one bazillion dollars. Even.
When they finally returned Max to me, they explained that the upper retainer hadn't come out right (final snarky story from the office - when the assistant was fitting Max for the retainers, she put too much goop in his mouth. And he tried to hold still and breathe through it, but that stuff was creeping down his throat, and eventually he gagged a little. And so she ROLLED HER EYES and MADE IMPATIENT NOISES AT HIM). So they'd refitted him for a new upper retainer, and could we pick it up on Saturday?
The answer to that is no. I try to be as accommodating to people as I can, but when they asked that, our Saturday schedule flashed before my eyes and I said flatly, "There is no earthly way that is possible."
And okay, for a brief moment I thought about the feasibility of actually biting someone, if only for the irony value.
Anyhow, we worked it out (he will jam the ill fitting retainer in his mouth for now, and we will pick up the new one on Tuesday), and I all but grabbed Max and sprinted out of the office.
And now, with the whole experience (mostly) behind us, I look at Max and his beautiful new smile. He looks so grown up, all of a sudden - even though he can't seem to stop running his tongue over his teeth. It may be expensive, it may be painful, it may include encounters with people that make you slightly crazy. But I gotta say...
...totally worth it.
URRRRRGGGG that would dice my onions! How obnoxious! It's lucky the orthodontist does such a nice job, or they would all be out of work!
The staff at our office are less bad, but still not ideal: when I called to reschedule an appointment because the child was sick (fever, floppy, home from school lying on couch not feeling well enough to watch television), they acted like I was making it up, and said they "if I wanted to cancel," they had no appointments (NO APPOINTMENTS AT ALL) for a MONTH. So I said I hated to expose the office to his germs, but on the other hand waiting a month seemed unreasonable, and they made further calling-your-bluff remarks ("Well, all our staff wear gloves and masks...") so I said fine, I was only keeping him away for YOUR benefit, I'll bring him in! (I hope none of the orthodontic assistants or other patients got sick, but that the whole reception area did).
Posted by: Swistle | January 11, 2013 at 05:10 AM
cutie!
Posted by: victoria | January 11, 2013 at 06:33 AM
How beautiful can a child be?! Although I have never seen a child look more adorable in braces, too. And that is a purely objective statement, no prejudice at all. What a trooper he has been through this whole slow torture.
If I were an orcadontist, and was making an unreasonable amount of money doing this, I would want to know how my staff was treating people. But then again, probably a great object lesson for Max in 1. how to deal with rude and unreasonable people, and 2. that he doesn't want to be a person like that...as if he could!
Posted by: M/Amma | January 11, 2013 at 06:37 AM
Beautiful!
Posted by: Jan in Norman, OK | January 11, 2013 at 07:25 AM
I hope that you recommend to the office that they might want to read your blog today, "because you are all in it!"
Posted by: Holly Gault | January 11, 2013 at 08:33 AM
Max has always been beautiful and his "new" teeth look wonderful in his face!
Posted by: Grandma Connie | January 11, 2013 at 09:12 AM
Yes Yes I look beautiful thank you thank you.
Posted by: Max Martin | January 11, 2013 at 12:58 PM
Wow. If only there were a show about improving orthodontist offices, like the one about restaurants, and we could see your orcadontist seeing his staff via hidden cameras...
Love our ortho, love his staff. It makes me sad to think of you having a less than awesome experience with yours, because I will miss our ortho's office for a while (child #2 (age 16) is supposed to get hers off this month!, child #3 is 8 and I hope beyond hope that he doesn't need braces for years and years.). I won't miss them THAT much.
Posted by: Tracy | January 11, 2013 at 01:54 PM
Oh wow - Max looks fabulous!! Love the tongue on the teeth move, along with the pleased look on the face - both our kids did that!!
Our son (now 29) had to have his braces done twice - cause "recommended by our dentist etc etc etc)and he was bad. Really bad. We found out he was not really even an orcadontist at all - was just playing one! We had those braces removed by a real orcadontist, then some surgery to correct the mistake (yep, still feeling like crap about that parenting move) and then the right braces done. Our son's teeth look amazing now, as does our daughter's - we took her to the real orcardontist for her work. And - we loved the office staff there!
As you can probably tell - I love the term orcadontist, and will only use that word now!
Posted by: Cheryl | January 11, 2013 at 07:14 PM
Agreed! Very handsome!
Posted by: KimO'C | January 11, 2013 at 08:14 PM
He does look handsome! You should send them some candy as a thank you. Some gooey chewy candy that pulls out their fillings. Or maybe some old candy you found in the back of the pantry that turned sort of white but is probably (maybe) still good to eat. Maybe a nice letter about what their professionalism meant to you. But first, get Max's retainer and his handsome smile away so they don't try to take it back.
Posted by: Em | January 13, 2013 at 09:11 AM
Ok, I can't let it go...at least not until you blog again. But first of all, It is not fun when someone in the office (where you are paying one Bazillion dollars)treats you badly. But when said office flunky treats your joy and delight and the light of your eyes (AKA your preshus child) badly, it is intolerable.
Second, that line about "they sat behind the desk and laughed and talked about the patients that had just left" - that is actually illegal. Against all manner of privacy regulations. You could strike the fear of things Federal into their tiny hearts by just kindly and gently mentioning it to the boss. Then when it comes Raphi's turn, go somewhere else.
Posted by: M/Amma | January 14, 2013 at 08:52 PM
Ummm, actually that line is not illegal, it's the behavior of talking publicly about a patient which is illegal. Just being sure you understand...
Posted by: M/Amma | January 14, 2013 at 08:54 PM