Don't read this if you are suffering from morning sickness or generally have a sensitive stomach. Really.

I almost threw up in Chipotle today.

Wait, let me back up a little. I'm sick with this pregnancy - relentlessly, horrifically, crushingly sick. I have only thrown up once, but that is mainly because of my superhuman vomit containing skills. Mostly I just walk around, swallowing hard, trying not to smell anything, look at anything that might smell like anything, or think about cooked spinach.

Oh, ugh. *gag* Cooked spinach.

Where was I? Oh yes, so this has been my lot of late. I am queasy. And sleepy. And sort of dumb, but that's another post. If I remember, which I won't. But I am nearly 12 weeks along now (!), and just this week, I have started to ever so slightly edge around the corner into feeling better. So today when my mom offered to take me and my chiddlers out to lunch, I bravely said yes. (Yes, I called myself brave just now. I am EXACTLY like firefighters and soldiers and police officers who put themselves in harm's way for the sake of others, because I dared to face down a burrito. Totes.)

When we got there, I ordered myself a barbacoa burrito, and settled in with the crew to eat. Sitting at the table next to us was a young woman who seemed utterly FASCINATED by us. She openly stared as we sat down, and proceeded to eat her lunch like the entertainment she'd ordered had finally arrived. At first, given her youth, I assumed she was studying Tre, an uncomfortably common occurrence these days. But she was clearly transfixed by all of us.

I tucked into my burrito, and can I tell you? It was AMBROSIA. Just spicy enough, with all that cheesy, carby, calorific goodness. It tasted amazing, and I was thrilled. Just because you're queasy all the time doesn't mean you stop being hungry, see. My body is constantly, uncomfortably aware that I'm not eating enough, and it's an awful feeling. I try, I promise I am trying to eat, but blargh.

But then. Oh, then. I bit into a perfectly promising corner, and got a chunk of meat that was...texturally not okay. Texture is always important to me, even when I'm not pregnant. As a matter of fact, the last time Mir was here, she watched me picking over some barbacoa I'd made, carefully removing every shred of anything that could offend, texturally, and she suggested I have sensory issues. By which I assume she meant, "Oh, Kira, thank you for so meticulously saving me from those horrible icky bits, because they are so clearly bad and wrong."

But nobody with my food ethic works at Chipotle, apparently, because today my teeth sank into a portion of beef that was distinctly...fatty.

Oh, dear. *gag*

I plucked that bite out of my mouth with the sort of alacrity that has inspired the popular new phrase, "Drop it like you bit into an icky bit." Not as catchy as "drop it like it's hot," but more...HEARTFELT. But that didn't mean I wasn't immediately plunged into a battle to keep from losing my lunch right there, in front of God and that lady sitting next to us. I was sort of trapped in the interior of our table, and couldn't quickly and discretely reach a good puke receptacle, so I sat there and fought it. I took drinks of my soda, breathed deeply, and just fought it. I heaved, swallowed, heaved, swallowed. Mom watched me, holding her breath. Heave, swallow. Do you know what happens when you drink carbonated soda and heave? You belch. Loudly. Can you believe that none of my boys noticed that I was belching and trying not to throw up? I didn't get even one "Good one, Mom." What is this world coming to?

Finally I got the upper hand. I looked up, wiped my eyes, and apologized. Mom patted my back. I shoved my burrito away, feeling deep regret (it was SO GOOD, too!). And then I looked up to see the woman at the next table, quietly covering the rest of her lunch and pushing it away.

Is it pathological, you think, that I'm feeling guilty for ruining her meal?

Comments

[Swistle]

Not just her meal, but possibly her future reproductive plans! You're welcome!

I thought the end of this story was going to go more like the time I bit into a weird-tasting raisin while pregnant. There were instant results.

[Kate]

Oh, I have been there. Literally. Last week. Except change the burrito to carnitas tacos, and take into account that I am not talented when it comes to holding it in.

I, um, am not going back to that Chipotle. But I'm pretty sure the teenage girls at the table next to us won't be on Teen Mom anytime soon now.

[Tenessa]

I have sensory issues. My oldest son has sensory issues. For my son it goes hand in hand with his Asperger's, but for me, I didn't know that all my quirky weirdness had an explanation until I started learning about my son's issues. Now I see sensory issues EVERYWHERE. I swear, everyone deals with some level of sensory stuff.

[Mir]

Oh, pumpkin. That is so sad. Nothing is sadder than thwarted burrito enjoyment.

It is only moderately cheering to me, in fact, that you squicked out the ogler. She probably went home and made an appointment to have her tubes tied. ;)

[Em]

Well, that will teach her not to stare, now won't it. You did that girl a favor.

I was there, hating it too. Trying to strike that magic balance between eating just enough to make the nausea go away without bringing it on again by eating too much. And making the judgement call, each time, how horrible THAT particular meal will be if it doesn't stay. I'm trying not to be too graphic but I think you know what I am saying. You have to be choosy.

I hope you turn the corner soon!

[Carmen]

Serves her right. If she stares at you like it's a sideshow, she gets what she deserves.

During one of pregnancies, I happened to be a supermarket in NY as they were butchering something. I have no idea what it was - but I lost it right in front of the meat counter.

Isn't pregnancy SWELL? At least you get something cool at the end.

[Jamie]

Oh, Kira, SO sorry you are feeling crummy. If I lived in your neighborhood I would bring you something pleasant and bland for dinner.

I started to share a couple of my own first-trimester-out-in-public stories but then I realized you probably would max out pretty quickly on tales of other people's public puking. You're welcome. ;-)

[Michelle]

As another pukey, pregnant lady, I can totally sympathize. And that chick get what she deserves for staring. I'm almost 17 weeks now (with #5) and it's just starting to fade - that awful, holy crap I'm gonna puke right NOW feeling. I even made it through the whole supermarket without pulling out my sucking candies and taking long, slow deep breaths.

[Colleen]

Oh, Kira - I have been there, with all three of mine. I was unable to eat the chicken in Campbell's chicken noodle soup, I couldn't walk down the meat aisle at the grocery. I survived on broth, canned cling peaches and potatoes, I think. Back in the day, my OB told me to take Unisom at night (it's an antihistamine which works in same way as Dramamine.) It helped a lot. I suppose today they would never allow that. I also would guess you are having a girl. (((((Hugs)))))

[Melody]

I am still in shock that you are pregnant...And yes, a little envious...Congratulations to you and your family! And hopefully a new, bigger house! What a blessing!!

Even with my twins, I was not sick, just couldn't stand the sight or taste of chicken. Only red meat would do.

[Angela Giles Klocke]

What does it say about me that I'm all like, "Mmmmm...Chipotle!"?

I mean, ooooh, sorry that happened. :D

[Terri]

I, too, get seriously squicked out by the "offensive" parts in meat. My husband thinks I'm pathological about it, but I don't care. It probably is a sensory issue, but that doesn't make it less gross. :)

Congrats on the baby, by the way. And congrats on feeling better!

[Ajo]

Me and Chipotle are #likethis. It depends on how i'm flneieg but i'm either going for the soft tacos, hard tacos or fajita burrito. I am one of those men who believe that men shouldn't be eating their burrito out of a bowl, it just looks soft, like he doesn't know how to work with his hands. With the 3 tacos, I usually get a mix. I normally get soft, unless i'm going to be in Chipotle for a while drinking a Corona or two, then i'll get the hard tacos. If I get the fajita burrito: rice, peppers/onions, four times the steak, lettuce and cheese, green and tomato salsa. I can't do sour cream or guac.And now i'll order my chipotle online for lunch today. Thank you.