When Jennie was here, I took her and the boys to the mall for black friday. It was a zoo, as you might expect. As we were making our way through the parking lot (after parking in the back 40, after driving around for one solid millennium), we passed a very pregnant woman. She was stepping off a curb, and reached out for the arm of the man accompanying her, because she clearly had no idea where her feet were.
Jennie and I watched her pass in silence, then I leaned over and murmured to her, "Aren't you glad you're not pregnant?" She nodded, and we walked on.
For the first time since I was...probably SEVEN, I genuinely was happy not to be pregnant. Not just because it's a drag to be so unacquainted with your feet, but because since Sophia was born, I have felt content. I could hold babies without feeling the slightest stirrings of "ooooohhh, but just ONE MORE baby?" It was such a relief, because I was convinced that I was going to end up 95 years old, in a nursing home, still pining for just. one. more. baby.
But with Sophia's arrival, I could look at my unruly gang of offspring, and feel...content. It was like waking up from a long mental illness, I swear.
People have asked, occasionally, if we plan on having any more. Mostly they ask with a cringing sort of curiosity, like they're thinking, how crazy is this ride going to get? And I would laugh and assure them, No, we're good. Life is pretty full, after all.
La la la...can we see where this is going?
As it turns out, that day when I made that comment to Jennie, I already was pregnant. As in, I AM pregnant. Due - get this - in July, the week my firstborn turns 17! That never fails to crack me up. 17! And a newborn! This ride is getting VERY CRAZY, thanks!
I am sick as a dog, and three (count them, one, two, three) people have felt it necessary to remind me of Michelle Duggar's miscarriage (the thinking being, I suppose, something along the lines of "Oh, she is almost EXACTLY like Mrs. Duggar, old and with a ridiculous amount of children, so I am certain she will appreciate the heads up." So if I DO lose this baby, my first thought will be "OH THANK GOODNESS THEY WARNED ME!"). Everyone was GOING to have their own room in the new house, but now Sophia and the baby will share, and I keep having these moments where I realize I am going to have to navigate another task that I thought I was done with forever - like finding a diaper bag I don't hate. I am going to be 41 when this baby is born, God willing, and the whole thing is terribly messy and crazy.
And I am delighted. Clay is delighted. The boys are delighted - although hoping for either a boy or a girl with fewer words. Sophia is...puzzled.
Despite all the upending of our plans, and the sickness and my advanced maternal age, I find myself very happy and hopeful. I may not have yearned for this baby, but now that s/he's here, I'm grateful for every day we get together.
It turns out we did need just. one. more.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!! I have been reading your blog since five plates and went through and read all of the archives, I love the way you write and look forward to your posts. I have now silently lost my mind. So happy for you and your family.
Posted by: Metacognitivethoughts | December 23, 2011 at 12:03 AM
Congratulations! How wonderful!! Saying a prayer for the new little life inside of you.
Posted by: Ellen | December 23, 2011 at 12:32 AM
Hooray! I just had to pop in to say that my youngest brother was born the day after my 17th birthday, when my mom was 40. And it is a lovely thing. Happy for you!
PS I found your blog via Arwen's, and have been coming back for several years since, because your writing makes me smile.
Posted by: Elisabeth | December 23, 2011 at 02:00 AM
Congratulations! What huge things you have had in the works! :)
Posted by: Melissa | December 23, 2011 at 02:32 AM
Congratulations!! Such wonderful news, very happy for all of you xx
Posted by: Sheppitsgal | December 23, 2011 at 03:24 AM
Congratulations. On the house, the baby, the kids (big and small) and everything else in your life. I too have been reading your blog for years and have enjoyed sharing your journey and I can't wait to hear about the next bit :D
Good luck with everything coming up over the next few months and I wish you and yours a very, very, merry Christmas.
Posted by: Joyus | December 23, 2011 at 04:13 AM
What a wonderful Christmas present! Congratulations!
Posted by: Bobbie | December 23, 2011 at 06:06 AM
Congratulations!!! That is wonderful! I find it interesting (ironic?) when we just had 2 kids, I never found myself longing for more. There was much debate over should we stop or try for more. Now that we have 4, and I'm 37, I still wish for another. But we're NOT trying, our plate is full! But I have been quick to say if we had a surprise, I'd be thrilled! :)
Posted by: Tina | December 23, 2011 at 06:23 AM
OH! Congratulations!!!!
I started reading your blog just a short time before you announced you were pregnant with Sophia! I'm so glad to get to "watch" your sweet family grow some more!
Posted by: Karate Mom | December 23, 2011 at 06:36 AM
You got rid of the "Best diaper bag ever"?!
Posted by: Amma Always | December 23, 2011 at 06:42 AM
Oh, wow! How spectacular! Congratulations! A very merry Christmas to your wonderful, not so little, family!
fwiw, I WILL be that 95 year old little lady pining for Just. One. More. Baby.
Posted by: Tenessa | December 23, 2011 at 06:47 AM
Personally, I plan to find you the perfect "I'm not Grandma, I'm Mom" shirt. Ouch. Stop hitting me!! IT WAS A JOKE!!!
Love you, darlin'.
Posted by: Mir | December 23, 2011 at 07:15 AM
Congratulations! What a wonderful surprise blessing for you this time of year.
Posted by: Amy B. | December 23, 2011 at 07:18 AM
Congratulations!
Posted by: Emily | December 23, 2011 at 07:39 AM
Oh wow...! CONGRATULATIONS!! I am so, so happy for you. I knew as soon as I read the fateful words you uttered to Jenny where this was going, so I read the rest of your post with a big old smile on my face.
Merry Christmas!
Posted by: Aimee | December 23, 2011 at 08:06 AM
WOW! Congratulations! So excited for all of you!
Posted by: Sheryl | December 23, 2011 at 08:49 AM
WHAT!! WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT!!! This is such a happy, happy surprise to find in the Google Reader this morning! And you totally surprised me: I was thinking maybe it would turn out that JENNIE was pregnant!
Posted by: Swistle | December 23, 2011 at 09:33 AM
ahh, congratulations! Couldn't happen to a nicer bunch! And I'm so looking forward to following your journey.
Posted by: Jen | December 23, 2011 at 10:14 AM
Oh, that's fantastic!! Congratulations, Kira.
Posted by: Jamie | December 23, 2011 at 10:43 AM
Congratulations!! Sounds like everything is going right along with some kind of plan right now. And since you all didn't plan it...isn't God wonderful?! Giving us what we do and don't ask for, knowing we need it.
I will keep you all in my prayers :)
Posted by: Crista | December 23, 2011 at 11:07 AM
Congratulations! I have seven in a house with just one bathroom. We just squeeze 'em in wherever we can fit 'em, and we do just fine...as long as we have each other! Blessings!
Posted by: Kelley | December 23, 2011 at 11:13 AM
CONGRATULATIONS! (Yes, I know I'm yelling, but I can't help it.) So many lovely changes in your life; God is so good!
(Oh, and I had my sixth baby at a month shy of 42 -- keeps me young. ;-D )
Posted by: Salome Ellen | December 23, 2011 at 11:17 AM
Congratulations! That's absolutely wonderful. And I can't wait to hear Sophia stories as she becomes less puzzled.
Posted by: Lise | December 23, 2011 at 12:01 PM
sadlfjaskldfdsfjas CONGRATULATIONS!!! This is so exciting!
Posted by: Dani | December 23, 2011 at 12:24 PM
Congratulations!!!! I am pregnant with baby #5 as well due in June - and I'm old too, just shy of 40. I did lose a baby this past Spring, and when I found out I was pregnant now, then Michelle Duggar lost her baby and it's all I've heard about.
Posted by: Michelle | December 23, 2011 at 01:25 PM