A word to the wise: do NOT tell your children about the awesome ninja game.

I had the funniest conversation with my doctor the other day. But first, let me back up and tell you what I did that day. Most of it, anyhow.

Started out by taking the kids downtown to my dad's office so the boys could sell honey. They've had a fabulous season, with ten, count them, TEN gallons of honey harvested so far. Most of it is this fabulous pale yellow that tastes almost buttery. Simply gorgeous.

Anyhow, after delivering honey to the people who had ordered it on Dad's floor, they moved downstairs to a booth in the lobby. This was an experiment, to see if they could move lotsa inventory while people came and went for lunch. And they did okay, although while they sold honey both Dad and I raced around after Sophia, who nearly brought the whole building down. Her favorite discovery of the day was when she snaked a polished rock out of a planter and FLUNG it at a glass-topped table. It didn't break, but that's not her fault. It did make an impressive clatter, which thrilled her.

Raphael was bored out of his ever-loving mind, standing at the table in his beekeeping gear, trying to look pleasant at people as they walked by, so he periodically disappeared out the revolving door. Because revolving doors are AWESOME. Duh. But that was fine, because what on earth could happen to a squirrelly little boy in Downtown Denver? Right?

After the sale was finished, the boys and I adjourned to lunch at a nearby restaurant. As we ate, with the young professional types shooting us alarmed looks all around, Tre demonstrated how you can steal someone's ninja powers, by smacking them on the forehead. Did you know that? Because I did not know that. And he stole Max's ninja powers, and then seconds later when Max struck out in an attempt to reclaim said ninja powers, Tre ducked so fast and emphatically that he WHACKED the side of his face into a bar. Gave himself, I kid you not, a black eye. I laughed so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants.

Next we went home, and Sophia found her twenty minute nap in the car SO refreshing and SO rejuvenating that she declined to nap any more for the rest of the day, preferring to follow me around, bleating, "UP! UP! PLEH [please]! UP!" And when I picked her up, she would see something across the room that she wanted and fling herself over backwards, shrieking in some sort of toddler tongue to demonstrate how badly she needed that particular remote/cell phone/book/random something I couldn't identify, for the luvapete. So that was nice.

And then that night Clay and Tre and I went to Tre's new student orientation night, which was so long and so boring that Clay actually offered to poke me in the eye with his pen at one point. I am not even making that up. I declined, but just barely. We got student handbooks and a calendar and supply lists. I glanced at it and thought, "Oh, that's not too bad. About a dozen items. That seems totally reasonable."

And then I realized that I was looking at the list for the first period class only, and I promptly died. Incidentally, I've decided to sell a kidney. Anyone want a kidney? Because Tre's new school also requires uniforms, hahahahaha! And they're AWESOME! I assume, given the price, they are woven by fairies in some magical unspoiled forest, and they will grant the wearer amazing abilities, like maybe the ability to defend your ninja powers without damaging yourself.

When we finally got out of the school, the three of us were so hungry that we drove to the nearest fast food place. Sadly, we were so ravenous by that point that we just ate the menu board rather than waiting for the person to take our order.

Then we collected our other children from my parents, who had generously kept them and fed them dinner and endured Sophia's very special naplessness. And we went home and kept throwing children at beds until they eventually stuck, and then we stumbled into our own bed, where we drooled on our respective pillows in that very special alluring way. Romance lives.

And now I can tell you about the funny thing my doctor said. Ready? She'd gotten my test results from last week, and was pretty sure the reason I was feeling so tired was because I had had MONO. That time I was sick a few months ago? MONO.

"So what happened is that you muscled your way through, like you do, thinking it was just some normal virus, and then instead of feeling better you just kept pushing and depleting yourself. What you need is just some rest and you will feel better soon. Take it EASY for a while."

Get it? Take it EASY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

And I would, I totally would, but I recently had my ninja powers stolen.

Comments

[jen]

at least your sense of humor powers and great writing powers are still intact? Yeah, small comfort. You're still awesome!

[Jamie]

Who knew? Apparently a side effect of mono is the ability to make people you've never met laugh out loud repeatedly.

[Aimee]

Mono?! Wow, but see how YOUNG you are? You totally got the kissing disease from your boyfriend, Clay. ;)

[laura]

Oh I think you should take it easy too.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
good luck with that.
Take care?

[Laura]

I thought you were going to say you were pregnant again.

[Swistle]

I am going to latch onto one tiny detail in this post: the cost of uniforms. My mom used to teach in a school that used uniforms, and HOLY CRAP!!! Why didn't they choose one of the many perfectly nice, reasonably inexpensive, periodically-go-on-great-clearances uniforms sold by The Children's Place or Lands' End or whatever? BUT NO! $80 for a skirt!! $48 for a plain white polo!! $55 for plain navy pants!! WTH??

[Mir]

I am going to latch on to a DIFFERENT tiny detail of this post: HONEY. WE NEEDS SOME. Please do not let the boys sell it all because SOMEONE is pestering me relentlessly to TELL KIRA YOU NEED SOME MORE HONEY TELL HER TELL HER. So. Please save us some! I will Paypal you.

But one more thing: Depending on what Tre needs to wear, maybe I can help in my secondhand scouring...? That's how I get a lot of our uniform stuff, sometimes still tags-on. Just sayin'. Happy to shop for you!

P.S. I am glad some other people get to point and laugh about the mono. Sheesh.

[Vern]

This post could be called, "Top 10 Reasons I Worship Kira".

[Biz]

Wow, you powered through with mono??!! You rock!