Is she complaining about sleep again?

It seems I don't know how to make a baby go to sleep. I mean, I look at her, and she's this tiny little thing. Can't even dress herself. Couldn't make herself a sandwich even if she had the teeth to eat it. You'd think I'd be in charge around here, wouldn't you?

I keep thinking that maybe I've lost some secret skill set that I must have had when the boys were babies. They slept, didn't they? I seem to remember naps, multiple, during the day. Maybe there's some tricky combination of moves I'm not remembering, like the boys' cheat codes they're always using on the Wii. You know, how they'll go up up right down up whatever, and then they have invincibility or...something? Hmm. It's possible I don't actually understand the cheat codes either.

Anyhow, Sophia doesn't sleep. I think she takes after her dad, who can get by on an insanely small amount of sleep and can still smile and say things that make sense. Honestly, the man sleeps about five to six hours a night. If I had to get up and go to work after sleeping only five hours, by the second morning I would be lying on the floor by the car, weeping at the thought of trying to navigate the drive there. Clay almost never lies on the floor by the car, and if he does, car maintenance is involved, not weeping.

So this girl is definitely Clay's daughter. She sleeps about eight to nine hours at night, then usually (but not always) takes one or two naps during the day, totaling about an hour. And she flies and speaks sanskrit. Okay, that's not true, but I threw it in there because descriptions of sleep habits are JUST SO BORING. To sum up: Sophia sleeps 8 to 10 hours a day, despite the fact that the interwebs assure me that 6 month old babies sleep 11.5 to 15 hours a day. Excuse me a minute...*indulges in a brief sleep fantasy about having the 15 hour-a-day sort of baby*

So our girl isn't a big sleeper, fine. As I may have mentioned before, I have some cosmic payback on that score coming. And she's happy and jolly and loud, so I guess she's getting enough sleep, for her. But what makes me COMPLETELY INSANE is that I never know WHEN she is going to sleep. Morning nap? Maybe. At nine. Or eleven. Or NOT AT ALL, JUST LISTEN TO ME GIGGLE. And worse of all, I can never figure out when she's going to go to sleep at night. I can't tell you how many days end with Clay and I, slumped on the couch, staring glassy-eyed at our child as she inspects her toys and rolls around and babbles late into the night. Midnight? One AM? THREE IN THE MORNING? Oh yes, it has happened.

I simply cannot seem to get this girl on any sort of schedule. I am the puppet on her string. And in the positive column, I am old and wise and know she will sleep eventually, so I am really not wild-eyed with despair when she won't sleep. In the negative column, I am so flippin' old. I am tired. I know she'll sleep eventually, but I'm afraid I'll break a hip in the meantime.

So here's where you come in: give me your best sleep training advice. Books, videos, special dances. You suggest it, and I will try it.

 

I mean, look at her. She's clearly suffering.

Comments

[Jen]

The only thing that ever worked for us was the lavendar baby bath. And putting "The Man" on. (We have a CD of sonnets recited by Ron Pearlman. Don't ask me why, but the kid LOVED it and would NOT go to sleep without it...as he got older, began calling him "The Man").

Good luck!!!

[Stephanie]

Well, I had one baby who slept great (through the night at six weeks), and another who did not (through the night at TEN MONTHS). So take my advice as you will ... but the one thing I did with both of them that seemed to make a difference in establishing a routine was to start their day at the same time every morning. I would feed them at 7 a.m. no matter what, even if it meant waking them up to do it, and that seemed to help.

Good luck. Months without sleep made me a crazy person.

[Mir]

Awwwww... I see HAIR!

Ahem. What were we talking about? Oh. Right.

Um, you don't want advice from me. For my not-really-scheduled baby I finally did regimented crying-it-out. Which I know is mean. But I was insane from sleep deprivation.

I hope you get a nap today. :)

[Rachel]

Wait until she is 9 and then nap in the car while she's at guitar lessons. I suppose piano lessons would work too... oh, that's probably not too helpful, is it? It is my plan for today! = )
Love your blog & your kids are gorgeous!

[Groovecatmom]

Are we remembering the same boys? I mean, I know you are their mother and all, but I seem to remember at least one of your boys who would not sleep. And he's brilliant and beautiful, just like Sophia. Or maybe he was older when he decided naps are for whimps.

[Charlotte]

If it's any consolation, I've the same problem. I followed your blog through both of our pregnancies, and my little girl is now 30 weeks old. She's eating solids, pulling up on furniture, and nearly crawling, in that she's going backwards... But she goes down at 7pm after a routine of bath, rubs, cuddles and bottle. She wakes for another bottle at 11pm. Then again at 3pm. Then she's up at 6am. and if she naps during the day, it's for a total of 2 hours.

We've just finished a bank holiday weekend and after 3 days with herself and her 3 year old sister, I had to go to bed after I dropped them to the crèche, instead of working. And I NEED to work....

Over the weekend, my other half said, "It's not us, it's them..." The older girl was slow to sleep through the night too. Didn't do it until she was used to sleeping in her own room, away from Mommy and Daddy.

So last night was the younger girl's first night sleeping in her own room. She still woke, but after each feed, was put back to sleep in her cot, instead of cuddling into which ever parent was "on duty" that night. I'm hoping...because I'm a complete basket case at the moment. I doubt I'm eligible to vote with this much sleep deprivation. In fact, I probably shouldn't be allowed use electricity;-)

All I can offer is my sympathy. And remember, this too shall pass. Eventually. Hopefully before I completely lose my mind.

[Kristin]

I had to come out of silent lurkville to chime in on this one.

Have you read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child"? It worked wonderfully with our first child (a girl), but not so much with our second (a boy). It was just further proof that I bore two completely different children, in so many ways. Anyway, it may or may not work for you, but it's worth a shot!

By the way, I love your blog! And it's only taken me a year and a half of being a silent reader to say so. :-)

[Jen]

My oldest never slept either. Still doesn't. My mother says I was the same way, so it's karmic pay back. I'm just worn out and often go to bed before him. But since he's 8 that works better than it will for you. Only advice I have is the lavender bath. It was very calming for me, if not him. And we had this aquarium fish light thingy on the side of the crib that would at least entertain him until he decided to fall asleep himself. Mostly I'll just sympathize...

[Laura]

Turn out all the lights and be very very v-e-r-y boring. No fun and games after curfew!
And I agree with the waking them up and feeding them at the same time every day. That's one thing you have control over, and it kinda sets the tone for the rest of the day.

[Priscilla]

I can tell you when she will sleep, when she is a TEEN!! Then all she will want to do is sleep in!

[The One True Josh]

Up, Ki! Play! Ki! Up! Play, Ki!

Hah ha hah ha ha ha ha!!!!

It makes me sooooo happy...

[Anjali]

Great blog! Just found it.

Now that I have my third baby, I think the one thing I know about sleeping and kids, is that I have far less control as a parent than the sleep books would have me believe.

I scheduled the heck out of all three of them (routine with feeding, bath, etc.), and they were still 19 months, 14 months, and 16 months before they slept through the night. My oldest is almost 8 years old, and she still needs 11.5 hours of sleep a night. She also napped until she was 5.5 years. My 5 year old needs only 11 hours at night, and gave up her nap at 2 years. My 19 month old sleeps 11-12 hours a night, and has rarely ever napped more than 90 minutes. And she has only taken one nap a day since she was 11 months.

[Swistle]

My advice is to get information about several popular world religions. Convert to each one. Then fall to your knees and beg each deity in turn to MAKE! THIS! CHILD! SLEEP!

[Mackenzie]

I agree with Anjali that it's way out of the parent's control... but in case you want to try a few things, these have worked for me (or I happened to start them around the time my baby would have started sleeping anyway!):
- keep things calm about 20 min before bed, maybe go on a walk, sit on couch, etc.
- have a consistent nighttime routine that includes smells and sounds (we do massage, music, diaper, pjs, nursing)
- put her in bed sleepy but awake
- start a "lovey", you can have it next to her when she's nursing then put it with her in the bed

Good luck and I love your blog! (I'm Amelia's friend and my baby Ella was born May 8th!).

[Jill W.]

I used "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" too. I definitely recommend making the times she should be asleep dark and boring and then lots of light and sounds during the desired wakeful hours. That helped and they we eventually had to do the graduated cry it out thing too to get her really sleeping for a hood stretch on her own.

[Clarity]

ummm...so sorry for this post in advance, but...

I think some kids? simply don't sleep. My daughter slept through the night at 8 weeks, cried it out occasionally when needed, and took two solid two hour naps every wonderful day until she was 2 and finally went down to one 2 hour nap which she was accommodating enough to continue until Kindie where she always got a gold star for napping. If you'd asked me for sleeping advice then I would have been utterly full of it (and myself) and given you a thousand different tips.

My son didn't sleep for two straight days after he was born, not a wink, and he still doesn't sleep through the night at 7. He never really napped like a proper baby should, he might fall asleep for 10 minutes at some terribly inconvenient time but he never willingly succumbed to naptime.

So the only assvice I have for you my friend, is to accept that you can't control when she sleeps or doesn't sleep, but you CAN control when she goes down for naptime. Naptime is really more for the parent's sanity than the kid's anyway and just b/c she's not sleeping doesn't mean YOU can't be. If she's safe, fed, clean, warm, and dry...she can stay in her crib and you can just PRETEND she's sleeping if you have a good pair of earplugs :D

[Katie @ Can't Get There From Here]

Awwww! Who cares about sleep - look at the cute wittle baybeeeeee!

[Ducks]

[owlhaven]

She is so gorgeous!

I love the book The No Cry Sleep Solution, which I discovered after quite a few of mine were past babyhood. For most of ours I used the 'do whatever it takes to get everyone the most sleep' approach. It consisted mainly of co-sleeping and nursing whenever the baby awoke.

Seemed to work. Now only the 4 year old still wakes, and only around 6, when she crawls in with us and goes back to sleep.

Best....
Mary, mom to 10