In case you're wondering, I KNOW I'm being a jerk. And I'm sorry. I believe that's a symptom of elevated blood sugar. - Updated!

Oh am I grumpy. You wanted to hear all about my grumpiness, didn't you? Well, my friend, you have come to the right place.

Monday I had to go to a lab, to have the big-time three hour glucose tolerance test because my blood sugar came back a little high from my glucose challenge last week. So okay, FINE. Another twelve hour fast, another bottle of nasty orange drink, and this time THREE HOURS of waiting and giving blood periodically.

Interesting fact:  did  you know that 85% of women who fail the glucose challenge and go on to take the glucose tolerance test do NOT, in fact turn out to have gestational diabetes? Dude. That's a LOT of nasty orange drink.

So hey, maybe I DID have to get up early (and hungry) and drive to the lab without the fortifying influence of even a cup of tea. BUT at LEAST it snowed a whole bunch that morning and into the rush hour, flinging the Denver area roads into chaos. SERIOUSLY, people. You live in Denver. Mayhap it's time to find yourself a different strategy when your rear-wheel drive minivan is slipping on four inches of snow then to try to drive faster? Because that's not really working for me. Grrr.

Not so interesting (and completely random) fact: I hate it when people's blogs play music. I don't care how GORGEOUS your playlist is, when I'm sitting in the quiet of an after-bedtime house, and I click on a link and some song BLARES at me, it feels assaultive. Do not want.

So eventually I arrived at the lab. I figured at the very least they wouldn't be too busy, because surely most people stayed home, right? *I* thought I had to make it to the lab that day because Monday is the one day the boys go to school, and Clay had already arranged to go into work late so he could drop them off (which turned out to be even later, because of a stinking snow delay). But most people would take a pass on lab work until the roads were a little better, right?

Yeah, wrong. Neither snow nor sleet nor idiots in minivans will stay people with orders for a lab draw. However, fully half of the staff failed to show up. So the waiting room (that I was NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE, chirpy phlebotomist girl told me like, what am I, a poorly behaved four year old?) was jammed with people who were cranky about the wait. One teenaged girl spent the full hour she waited for her blood draw whining at her dad. "I was here before EVERYONE ELSE. Why aren't they calling ME back? I'm HUNGRY. I haven't EATEN ANYTHING this morning." And then I killed her. Except only inside my head. But it was funny, in there.

Not-so-interesting-nor-relative-fact: some people would like you to believe that pureed butternut squash can be stirred into macaroni and cheese for a healthy, delicious take on a family favorite. NO ONE WILL NOTICE, they claim. This is just wrong. There is a distinct taste and texture wrongness. Just because pureed butternut squash has the same color as cheese sauce does not mean it is actually the same thing. That slippery slope would lead one to stir poo into fudge.

Finally, it was all done, and I headed for the door with two inner-elbow bruises to show for my morning. Since then I've been googling symptoms of gestational diabetes. This is very helpful, because the symptoms are things like tiredness. And having to pee a lot. And possibly crankiness. Google is a jerk.

And now that I look back over this, I'm thinking about how annoyed I get when people whine like this, as though difficult days never happen to anyone else. Life is pain, highness, know what I mean? However, in THIS case, I have a very important exception.

THIS day happened to me.

 

Update: My doctor emailed me to tell me that I do not, I repeat NOT have gestational diabetes. "However," she added, "you need to watch your glucose intake."

 

I called Clay to give him the good news and tell him what she said about the glucose intake. "I'm pretty sure she's calling me fat," I informed him. I am, after all, the daughter of a nurse, and so I understand all kinds of obtuse medical language. "Watch your glucose intake" = "you big, waddling cow."

 

"No, no," Clay said, "I'm pretty sure what she meant was 'eat whatever you want, but be sure to LOOK at it as it goes in your mouth.'"

 

Lord help me, I love that man.

Comments

[Mir]

*petpetpet* Well, on the bright side, it's over now. Yay! Here, have some chocolate. Um. Maybe. When do you get the results...?

Here, have some cottage cheese. Just to be safe.

[Jen]

1. SOOOO with you on the blog music thing. Just be quiet already! It also really slows down my computer.

2. SOOOO with you on the stupid waiting room stuff. I had GD with my first kid, and when I got pregnant again I REFUSED the orange drink test. They didn't know what to do with me! I just pretended I had GD the whole time and ate REALLY well and too bad for them. They didn't get to charge me for all the blood pokes and refer me to an annoying nursing service that calls you up to check on you like being pregnant=becoming a 5 year old.
3. This too shall pass. Yes, you will have to give birth for that to happen, but, EYE ON THE PRIZE!
4. You're beautiful.

[Stephanie]

I HATE music on blogs, too. For exactly the reason you mentioned.

And this whole hiding wholesome food inside junk food thing has never worked for me, either. Smashed cauliflower is not one thing like mashed potatoes.

Hope tomorrow is better.

[CJ]

Oh, ugh, hope you have a better day today. And tomorrow and the day after that.

[Mit]

You score 100 on being right about it all!

I already have music playing ... and I do NOT want dualing songs assaulting me.

People who are idiot drivers should GET OFF THE ROAD (like in Az where old people come to drive golf-carts ... or old-people cars on freeways at 45 mph ... or 10 mph because its raining in the desert!)

Did that young (now deceased) woman think NO ONE ELSE had gone without food/drink?

And Mir said it best. You are pretty!

[joshilyn]

I love you.

Lots of people do.

But how many love you madly and exclusively because of this sentence:That slippery slope would lead one to stir poo into fudge.

BA!!!HA!!!
J

[Aimee]

I would say that I love you because of the poo/fudge sentence, but Joshilyn beat me to it. So instead, I love you because of The Princess Bride reference. :)

[Amy]

You are pretty. I love you for many things but poo/fudge ranks in the top 10. Is it wrong that I am happy that you are cranky? It resulted in a great blog. I guess it's just another slippery slope poo/fudge problem. Love you pumpkin.

[Amma to the Princess]

I love you too. But good heavens child, you are cranky. I am a nurse and know what to recommend... is there any halloween candy left to, ummm, borrow?

Clay is a genius! A wonderful, mother-in-law tolerating genius! And absolutely right. (Remember, I am a nurse.)

[Kristy]

Remind me to stay away from your fudge until after the baby comes.

[carrien (she laughs at the days)]

I had to work hard not to hate my husband's grandmother for giving me that book for Christmas last year. (the one about pureed foods.) GRRR.

It was all kinds of wrong.

And I can't even get rid of it, because I wouldn't give it to someone I like, because I hate it that much. Maybe my local library would like a copy. hmmm

[Kerri]

Kira! I have been composing a post in my head for a week now about the stupid in-blog music players. HATE 'em. Phew. Glad to know I'm not alone.

I really resonated with all your off-topicness. Guess I haven't had a bad doctor visit in a while, though. You know what the 85% fact tells me: don't even bother taking the test!! Sorry it's too late for you but I'm just going to refuse next time. Think I might even go midwife. If there is a next time (three boys is busy, you know!)

[Lisa]

I agree on the bloggy music. What is up with that? Also, I can't exactly read AND sing along with the catchy lyrics at the same time, so what is the point?

Your husband...that sounds like something my husband would say. Funny!

[Michelle]

I love a cranky pregnant woman. Especially when her hubby is as terrific as yours. Blog music bugs the crap out of me and I'm not pregnant. Annoying people in waiting rooms do as well. At least you have an excuse to be so cranky - I'm just mean. And your off topic-ness is most enjoyable!

[Wendy]

I'm just starting to get caught up on my blog reads after having a daughter in October, so first off Congratulations!!! And don't feel bad at all for feeling like crap. I was horribly cranky and gained over 50 lbs. with my daughter. Which was WAY more than with either of my boys. My family says it's cuz daughters are always harder, and they start YOUNG!! She spent all her time making me extremely uncomfortable.