Burnin' down the house!

Ways my sons baffle me

Tre has divided his clothes into two categories: clothes for church and regular clothes. I’m not sure what qualifies clothes as being for church, as he NEVER NEVER wears those clothes. When I asked him why he doesn’t wear church clothes…say…TO CHURCH, he sighed and said, “MOM. At CHURCH I’m usually an acolyte. So. Who CARES what I wear under the robe?”

Which brings us back to the original, impenetrable question: WHAT ARE CHURCH CLOTHES, then?

                                                 * * * * * * *

Monday, when I picked Max up at school, I pulled his papers out of his file. I was standing at the door of his classroom, chatting with Ms. Sue, when I glanced down and saw the name at the top of one of his papers. “Tim,” it read.

“Oh,” I said, “Tim’s papers got mixed up with Max’s.” I paused for a moment, thinking. “Wait. Is there a Tim in this class? There ISN’T a Tim in this class.”

Ms. Sue shook her head wonderingly.

“No, there isn’t. I don’t know WHY Max does that.”

I leafed through his papers. They were signed TIM, MAT, WAX, and MAXI32. By the way, you should know that the I in Maxi32 is a SHORT I SOUND. So. Not like the feminine product, so much.

“Max?” I asked him, “WHY did you sign all these other names on your papers?” He fixed me with an inscrutable stare.

“You know, WAX rhymes with Max,” he replied, as though that were an answer.

                                                 * * * * * * * * *

Raphael has taken to waking up around the hour of FOUR AM. In the MORNING. That sort of AM. He did it again this morning. He wandered into my room and climbed into bed with me. I struggled to the surface of consciousness and asked him the cogent question, “Whaaa?”

“HI, MAMA!”

“Whaa? Why?”

“Ah wanna PLAY!”

“Whaa? NO.”

“Can ah WATCH TV?”

“NO.”

“OK! Ah will go wake up MAX.”

At this point it penetrated my sleep fog that the evil little child would, in fact, WAKE his big brother, causing Max to LOSE ACTUAL SLEEP, which, if you’ve been following Max’s sleep problems AT ALL, is Not What We Do. I half sat up and fixed Raphael with a stern glare.

“No, you WILL NOT wake Max up. Lie down and GO TO SLEEP.”

Which he did. Like a little angel.

After an HOUR of singing happy little songs, driving pretend trucks, pulling different sections of my hair to see if they ALL made me yelp, and exploring my actual nostrils with his toes. Yes, toes. I’m NOT MAKING THIS UP.

Then, around five in the MORNING, he drifted off sweetly to sleep. This morning he slept in a little later than usual. I mean, HE WAS TIRED. So, to sum: he wakes out of a perfectly serviceable sleep, sets to work waking me up, then reclaims his missed rest in the morning, when I have to be up and doing things. Josh, STOP LAUGHING. It isn’t funny.

Where do these kids COME FROM, anyhow?

Comments

Katrina

ROFL!

He explored your nostrils with his toes?

Mine plays similar wide-eyed "But-I'm-lying-quietly,-Mommy" games when he crawls unwanted in his bed.

But he's never thought of that.

LMFA!!!

lizardek

Well, Wax DOES rhyme with Max. ... what?

The rest of this post is so disturbingly familiar that I have to go lie down now.

Keri

When I was in second grade, I suddenly began to sign my name Karen and Vickie on my papers. How do the teachers know which kids these papers belong to? I actually had a Karen in my class, which must have made things a bit complicated, really...

I like how organized Tre is. Can he come and organize my house? I don't care if it doesn't make a lot of sense. It has to be better than the current state.

The One True Josh

Hmmmmm. Max has trouble settling on a name, eh? Interesting.

Anything you'd like to share, Ki?

And, ahem, HA! Not so FUNNY being awake at fourinnamorning NOW, is it?

Scott

Oh....hmmm, well, Baby T isn't doing anything like that yet...but he has decided he doesn't really need a nap during the day anymore since he is a big boy...all of 13 months old.

Heather McCutcheon

Oh-ho Kira, I was also awoken at 4 am! However it was more of a Full Frontal Puke Fest at Four AM. Than toes and nostrils...

Jensgalore

I've had to spend considerable time explaining to the preschooler that if the sun is not awake then it is NOT time to get up. Which has led to her sneaking into my room in the wee hours, where she stands by my bed until I wake up and have a heart attack because SOMEONE IS STANDING OVER ME. Then she'll stage-whisper, "Mommy, the sun isn't awake yet. It's still sleeping."

Jennifer

I once told my Sunday school teacher that my name was Amber, when she asked. I felt that she should have know my name since I knew hers and I had been in her class plenty of times.

My mom has a very nice set of hand-prints with the name Amber on them.

Stupid teacher. Smart Kid!

Lee

..at least his nostril weren't on your toes.

Amy

I've got nothing for you on Tre or Max...but I have two words for Raphael...Duct Tape.

Mark

Let me guess. You like talking about your children?

Who wouldn't?

My question to you, after many months of visiting here, when do you find the time to capture the regalia? What other venues might be open to you? Or is that breakfast cereal calling?

joshilyn

EMPATHY! I always end up with toes digging around in my nostrils. BOTH my kids did it, although Maisy is ABOUT to outgrow it and then I shall DIE OF SAD.

Karin

I'm soooo glad to know mine aren't the only children who want to put different names on their work. It's less confusing because they homeschool. They do this because they don't like their given names, LOL, but then, I didn't like mine when I was a child, either.

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